Andrew and I have been on a mission with our house-hunting these last few months. We started looking before we were expecting and even put a bid in on a home. After re-crunching our numbers figuring in the cost of our upcoming baby, we made the tough decision to pull our bid on the house.
Now, we're looking for more affordable places to live in town homes and such. The problem is, all the nice ones always seem to have offers on them already!
Finding a home seems impossible, and now we have 60 days to move out of our apartment! Actually, the apartment people did say we can do month-to-month after our lease is up, but that'll cost an extra $100 a month. Bogus!
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Sunday, May 3, 2009
So Much Emotion!
Well, those pregnancy hormones seem to be kicking in full force! I'm used to feeling happy and content and, well, frankly, used to even laughing at those who get all riled up over nothing. Now, it seems, I am those people!
I'll tell you what, I've been getting very angry these last few weeks. Either I get mad at nothing, or I get really mad over something quite small. And the anger seems to last, too. I've never really been an angry person. Well, maybe during my years of teenage angst ;-) But I have no idea where these emotions are coming from!
Also, I've started to feel very sad over small things, too. I can't shake off the feeling that everyone's unhappy with me. I know it's stupid, and I know people aren't unhappy with me. Still, that feeling lingers...
I read in my book that week 16 is supposed to be the peak of all this pregnancy emotion overload. I'm now at week 15, and I'm definitely feeling it. While normal, it doesn't make it any less disturbing to me. I'm also freaking out... what if this means I'll have post pardum depression? I wonder if that's a rational fear, if it could be linked to being overly emotional during pregnancy, or if it's something completely separate. I hope so.
Andrew's being uber supportive. He's so sweet to me, but even with him, I keep thinking I'm disappointing him or something. I just don't feel like I measure up. Blech, I need to work on shaking these feelings.
On the up side to my emotional swings, when I feel happy, I definitely feel very happy. I feel like all my emotions are amplified. Even the being tired part ;-).
I'll work on getting a bit more control over all these new extreme emotions. At the very least, I'll have to make sure to work on controlling my actions with them! The last thing I need is to have another angry outburst (This weekend, I completely embarrassed my brother by scolding a waitress who was being inexcusably rude to my dad. The worst part is now, even though he accepted my apology, I still feel overwhelmed with guilt and feel horrible. How sad is that? Logically, I know it wasn't that big of a deal, but emotionally, I can't shake it).
I feel like it's possible to get a grip on my emotions in normal circumstances. Now, I just need to master the art of controlling my pregnancy-amplified ones. I wonder if I'll be able to? Hopefully my future blogs won't be littered with desciptions of embarrassing emotional outbursts!
I'll tell you what, I've been getting very angry these last few weeks. Either I get mad at nothing, or I get really mad over something quite small. And the anger seems to last, too. I've never really been an angry person. Well, maybe during my years of teenage angst ;-) But I have no idea where these emotions are coming from!
Also, I've started to feel very sad over small things, too. I can't shake off the feeling that everyone's unhappy with me. I know it's stupid, and I know people aren't unhappy with me. Still, that feeling lingers...
I read in my book that week 16 is supposed to be the peak of all this pregnancy emotion overload. I'm now at week 15, and I'm definitely feeling it. While normal, it doesn't make it any less disturbing to me. I'm also freaking out... what if this means I'll have post pardum depression? I wonder if that's a rational fear, if it could be linked to being overly emotional during pregnancy, or if it's something completely separate. I hope so.
Andrew's being uber supportive. He's so sweet to me, but even with him, I keep thinking I'm disappointing him or something. I just don't feel like I measure up. Blech, I need to work on shaking these feelings.
On the up side to my emotional swings, when I feel happy, I definitely feel very happy. I feel like all my emotions are amplified. Even the being tired part ;-).
I'll work on getting a bit more control over all these new extreme emotions. At the very least, I'll have to make sure to work on controlling my actions with them! The last thing I need is to have another angry outburst (This weekend, I completely embarrassed my brother by scolding a waitress who was being inexcusably rude to my dad. The worst part is now, even though he accepted my apology, I still feel overwhelmed with guilt and feel horrible. How sad is that? Logically, I know it wasn't that big of a deal, but emotionally, I can't shake it).
I feel like it's possible to get a grip on my emotions in normal circumstances. Now, I just need to master the art of controlling my pregnancy-amplified ones. I wonder if I'll be able to? Hopefully my future blogs won't be littered with desciptions of embarrassing emotional outbursts!
Saturday, April 18, 2009
What'd You Say?
Nothing I can write could emphasize how exhausted I am all the time. Even on weekends, when I get to sleep in, I find myself crawling back into bed a couple of hours later. Taking Bailey outside to pee drains me, and at work, it's all I can do to stay awake.
The worst part is how it effects my memory. I don't have the energy to remember anything, and it's hopeless to even try. Never in my life have I ever felt so stupid, but I find myself completely clueless when people are talking to me. What are they referring to? Am I supposed to know what they're talking about? People will crack jokes, and I don't even realize it. It's pathetic.
Everyone assures me it's normal. Indeed, I've read about exhaustion and memory loss in my pregnancy books, but I didn't realize the extent to which they'd occur.
I've been told it gets better at the 2nd trimester. Well, here I am, week 13, and still not feeling a bit better.
It's simply frustrating being so exhausted. My personal relationships are suffering as I never feel like leaving the house to see people, and I don't have the energy to keep up the house to have people over. I want to do my share, but how can I when all I want to do, even now, is crawl back into bed for more shut eye?
The worst part is how it effects my memory. I don't have the energy to remember anything, and it's hopeless to even try. Never in my life have I ever felt so stupid, but I find myself completely clueless when people are talking to me. What are they referring to? Am I supposed to know what they're talking about? People will crack jokes, and I don't even realize it. It's pathetic.
Everyone assures me it's normal. Indeed, I've read about exhaustion and memory loss in my pregnancy books, but I didn't realize the extent to which they'd occur.
I've been told it gets better at the 2nd trimester. Well, here I am, week 13, and still not feeling a bit better.
It's simply frustrating being so exhausted. My personal relationships are suffering as I never feel like leaving the house to see people, and I don't have the energy to keep up the house to have people over. I want to do my share, but how can I when all I want to do, even now, is crawl back into bed for more shut eye?
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
April 1, Part 2: Bad
This evening was very craptastic. At first, I was excited about my expanding belly. Then, as I was packing for Chicago, I was freaking out about having nothing to wear. Five out of seven days a week, I wear my scrubs. I don't need many other clothes.
I started to go through my drawers, and I was disappointed to find that I had nothing to wear. My maternity jeans and my nice black pants with the super loose waist.... and that's it. Shirts are not an issue at all at this point, but, still, one cannot go out of town for 4 days with 2 pairs of pants.
Andrew's suitcase found a similiar fate. None of his white collared shirts had been brought to the dry-cleaners, so he had no shirts to wear for the funeral and wake. I suggested we run out to Walmart, since it was 10pm.
Walmart was rough. They didn't have shirts in Andrew's size, and I could not find the maternity section for the life of me. I scowered the women's clothing, trying ot find pants where the waist had some give. There wasn't anything. I was just about to resign and try to shop in the plus section when Andrew found a small maternity section in the infant department.
By small, I mean, they had 4 maternity shirts and 4 maternity shorts. Chicago in shorts in early April? I decided it's better than being naked, so I bought a pair (on the plus side, they were only $3). Not before nearly crying in Walmart, though. These hormones have been making me cry over everything and nothing this week.
I think Andrew sensed the tears coming because he insisted the shorts were very cute.
Once we got home, I decided to finish folding the laundry and putting the clean sheets on the bed for Phuong while Andrew took Bailey for a walk. Let me tell you, Tamarac Apartments suck at ice removal. I've called on it twice since we've moved in. Andrew went out there, stepped down onto the cement, and fell straight down. His back fell into the stair. He limped his way up, and collapsed on a heap on the bed. I got him some Ibuprofen, and he laid down, not moving for a little while. I didn't know what to do, so I just kept apologizing.
That's when I decided to open his shirt from Walmart. Wouldn't you know, it was short sleeved.
I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I turned to Andrew, who was head down into his pillow, and I broke the news. That poor man. He thought it would be OK if he wore a sweater over it. Sweater number one: huge, gaping hole in the elbow. Sweater number two: huge, gnarly pills all over the front. Sweater number three: wide-necked, which Andrew explained you cannot wear with a sweater.
Shit.
I started to put back on some warm clothes to go back out in the cold, but Andrew insisted there was no reason for us to both go. And so he is out, back at Walmart, trying to locate a tall man's long-sleeve shirt. At first, I tried on my clothes from Walmart. The shorts were cute and comfortable, definitely worth $3, but seeing my portruding belly caused me to feel quite fat. I'm used to having some pudge around the middle. Add in a little baby and an expanding waist line, and I feel like I'm all stomach. Once it's clear that it's a baby, I'm hoping the belly will be cute. However, staring at it in the mirror, all alone in the apartment after a difficult evening, I felt absolutely ugly.
All I can say is, I'm glad I have a few days off. I'm glad I'm going to Chicago to see my family. And I'm glad that tomorrow can only be better than today.
Good night, folks.
I started to go through my drawers, and I was disappointed to find that I had nothing to wear. My maternity jeans and my nice black pants with the super loose waist.... and that's it. Shirts are not an issue at all at this point, but, still, one cannot go out of town for 4 days with 2 pairs of pants.
Andrew's suitcase found a similiar fate. None of his white collared shirts had been brought to the dry-cleaners, so he had no shirts to wear for the funeral and wake. I suggested we run out to Walmart, since it was 10pm.
Walmart was rough. They didn't have shirts in Andrew's size, and I could not find the maternity section for the life of me. I scowered the women's clothing, trying ot find pants where the waist had some give. There wasn't anything. I was just about to resign and try to shop in the plus section when Andrew found a small maternity section in the infant department.
By small, I mean, they had 4 maternity shirts and 4 maternity shorts. Chicago in shorts in early April? I decided it's better than being naked, so I bought a pair (on the plus side, they were only $3). Not before nearly crying in Walmart, though. These hormones have been making me cry over everything and nothing this week.
I think Andrew sensed the tears coming because he insisted the shorts were very cute.
Once we got home, I decided to finish folding the laundry and putting the clean sheets on the bed for Phuong while Andrew took Bailey for a walk. Let me tell you, Tamarac Apartments suck at ice removal. I've called on it twice since we've moved in. Andrew went out there, stepped down onto the cement, and fell straight down. His back fell into the stair. He limped his way up, and collapsed on a heap on the bed. I got him some Ibuprofen, and he laid down, not moving for a little while. I didn't know what to do, so I just kept apologizing.
That's when I decided to open his shirt from Walmart. Wouldn't you know, it was short sleeved.
I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I turned to Andrew, who was head down into his pillow, and I broke the news. That poor man. He thought it would be OK if he wore a sweater over it. Sweater number one: huge, gaping hole in the elbow. Sweater number two: huge, gnarly pills all over the front. Sweater number three: wide-necked, which Andrew explained you cannot wear with a sweater.
Shit.
I started to put back on some warm clothes to go back out in the cold, but Andrew insisted there was no reason for us to both go. And so he is out, back at Walmart, trying to locate a tall man's long-sleeve shirt. At first, I tried on my clothes from Walmart. The shorts were cute and comfortable, definitely worth $3, but seeing my portruding belly caused me to feel quite fat. I'm used to having some pudge around the middle. Add in a little baby and an expanding waist line, and I feel like I'm all stomach. Once it's clear that it's a baby, I'm hoping the belly will be cute. However, staring at it in the mirror, all alone in the apartment after a difficult evening, I felt absolutely ugly.
All I can say is, I'm glad I have a few days off. I'm glad I'm going to Chicago to see my family. And I'm glad that tomorrow can only be better than today.
Good night, folks.
April 1, Part 1: Good
Today, I went to my second appointment with my OB-GYN. First the nurse took me back and had me take a urine sample and checked my blood pressure and such. Then, she pulled out this funky instrument and said, "Let's try to hear its heart beat." I must have look surprised because she explained that there was a good chance we would not hear it at this visit. Apparently, from 9-12 weeks, luck has a lot to do with hearing the heart.
It took a few minutes, but the nurse finally found it. It sounded echo-y, like it was from a cave. Definitely very neat!
After that, I was taken to meet Dr. Susan. She was so nice! She discussed me going to an endocrinologist to make sure my thyroid levels stay perfect throughout the pregnancy. Then, she proceeded to do the ultrasound to make sure that everything was growing properly.
I couldn't believe it. My blob was replaced by a very definite human fetus. I could see a head and arms, and then it started to wiggle! It was so neat. It waved it's arms all about. I laughed and was surprised that I couldn't feel any of its crazy movements. She told me that it's a very, very good thing to see a fetus moving at this stage. Everything seems to be healthy!
Honestly, I was a bit disappointed that Dr. Oster had told me I didn't need to bring Andrew for this visit. Of course, she couldn't have known I'd get to hear the heart beat and see the fetus move and wiggle around, but if I'd known there was a chance for those, I would have definitely brought Andrew. I had to give him the play-by-play after the appointment, and he got pretty excited for me.
In other news, I can definitely see that the bottom of my belly is bigger. I'm certain it's no longer my imagination! Some of my panties are too tight for me to wear now, and I've stopped wearing all but my loosest pants, scrubs and maternity pants.
I'd gained 3 pounds. It doesn't seem like it'd be enough to make one switch pants, but it definitely is...
It took a few minutes, but the nurse finally found it. It sounded echo-y, like it was from a cave. Definitely very neat!
After that, I was taken to meet Dr. Susan. She was so nice! She discussed me going to an endocrinologist to make sure my thyroid levels stay perfect throughout the pregnancy. Then, she proceeded to do the ultrasound to make sure that everything was growing properly.
I couldn't believe it. My blob was replaced by a very definite human fetus. I could see a head and arms, and then it started to wiggle! It was so neat. It waved it's arms all about. I laughed and was surprised that I couldn't feel any of its crazy movements. She told me that it's a very, very good thing to see a fetus moving at this stage. Everything seems to be healthy!
Honestly, I was a bit disappointed that Dr. Oster had told me I didn't need to bring Andrew for this visit. Of course, she couldn't have known I'd get to hear the heart beat and see the fetus move and wiggle around, but if I'd known there was a chance for those, I would have definitely brought Andrew. I had to give him the play-by-play after the appointment, and he got pretty excited for me.
In other news, I can definitely see that the bottom of my belly is bigger. I'm certain it's no longer my imagination! Some of my panties are too tight for me to wear now, and I've stopped wearing all but my loosest pants, scrubs and maternity pants.
I'd gained 3 pounds. It doesn't seem like it'd be enough to make one switch pants, but it definitely is...
Monday, March 30, 2009
Dinner with Phuong
Phuong and Cactus came over yesterday to cook dinner for us and my buddy Aminta. So delicious! They made a fantastic stir fry along with some bok choy and egg. Nom nom nom.
After we filled our bellies, we were taught how to play Mah Jong! I mean, I've played Mah Jong the solitaire game online before. This version was more poker, and it takes four people to play. Actually it was a lot like gin or rummy. I enjoyed it! Plus, it taught me all the Chinese number characters. Well, at least one through nine.
Hurray to a great night with friends. Thanks, Phuong!
After we filled our bellies, we were taught how to play Mah Jong! I mean, I've played Mah Jong the solitaire game online before. This version was more poker, and it takes four people to play. Actually it was a lot like gin or rummy. I enjoyed it! Plus, it taught me all the Chinese number characters. Well, at least one through nine.
Hurray to a great night with friends. Thanks, Phuong!
Friday, March 27, 2009
It's a fetus!
This week, we officially have a fetus! It has all its organs. My modified due date is October 26, and I'm anxious for my next visit on Wednesday to make sure everything's going well.
Andrew and I have adjusted to the idea of being parents. He loves the ultrasound picture and smooches my belly. Which, by the way, I think is starting to grow! Or maybe that's just me...
I lost 5 pounds during the first weeks of the pregnancy, and now it appears that I've gained 4 of them back. That's a lot of gain! I think I read that you're only supposed to gain 3-5 during the first trimester. Ooops. I've definitely gotten my appetite back. At work, I go to lunch at 12pm. Around 10:30am, though, I start getting the worst hunger pains that turn to nausea. As soon as I eat, they disappear. Which makes me want to eat every time I feel hungry... but I'm thinking maybe smaller servings!
It also doesn't help that I'm so exhausted all the time. Actually, things have improved this week some. I can stay awake at work now, for one thing. But I take a lot of naps at home and find it nearly impossible to get up in the morning. I've tried to work out a bit and go for long walks when I don't feel too tired, but as soon as I do, it drains me, and I come home and sleep.
But, yes, my belly is feeling a bit tighter. When I bend over, I feel a weird pressure, so I'm trying not to bend over too much. I've stopped wearing my regular jeans in favor of maternity jeans to keep the pressure off my tummy. They're unusually comfortable. It's going to suck going back from all these comfy clothes to normal clothes again one day.
Meanwhile, when I'm not working or sleeping, Andrew and I are house hunting. Let me tell you, it is not easy! Still, I'm confident we'll find something soon...
Andrew and I have adjusted to the idea of being parents. He loves the ultrasound picture and smooches my belly. Which, by the way, I think is starting to grow! Or maybe that's just me...
I lost 5 pounds during the first weeks of the pregnancy, and now it appears that I've gained 4 of them back. That's a lot of gain! I think I read that you're only supposed to gain 3-5 during the first trimester. Ooops. I've definitely gotten my appetite back. At work, I go to lunch at 12pm. Around 10:30am, though, I start getting the worst hunger pains that turn to nausea. As soon as I eat, they disappear. Which makes me want to eat every time I feel hungry... but I'm thinking maybe smaller servings!
It also doesn't help that I'm so exhausted all the time. Actually, things have improved this week some. I can stay awake at work now, for one thing. But I take a lot of naps at home and find it nearly impossible to get up in the morning. I've tried to work out a bit and go for long walks when I don't feel too tired, but as soon as I do, it drains me, and I come home and sleep.
But, yes, my belly is feeling a bit tighter. When I bend over, I feel a weird pressure, so I'm trying not to bend over too much. I've stopped wearing my regular jeans in favor of maternity jeans to keep the pressure off my tummy. They're unusually comfortable. It's going to suck going back from all these comfy clothes to normal clothes again one day.
Meanwhile, when I'm not working or sleeping, Andrew and I are house hunting. Let me tell you, it is not easy! Still, I'm confident we'll find something soon...
Thursday, March 12, 2009
My 1st Baby Ultrasound
I went to the OB-GYN on Monday! Really, I had no idea how long the first appointment was going to take. It took quite a while! They had me pee in a cup, they drew four viles of blood, and asked me a bazillion questions on family history. I was given books and pamphlets and sample packs and ultrasound albums. Crazy!
I browsed through the pamplets while waiting for my turn to go in and meet the doctor (Heidi Oster) to have my ultrasound. I looked mostly at pictures of the fetus at 10 weeks, because that's how far along I thought I was after my visit to my regular doctor. I read a little about the embryo before that stage, and peeked at pictures of the undefined blob that was starting to form the shape of a head.
When it came time for the ultrasound, it took the doctor only a few moments to let me know that I was not 10 weeks along... I was only 7! And, sure enough, there was my blob on the ultrasound screen. She pointed to a flickering on the screen, in the middle of the blob, and told me it was the heart beat.
I was sent home with a picture of the ultrasound as well as bags of goodies, including books, information on breast feeding, coupons, and other important info. I'm still quite nervous, but looking forward to my next visit on April 1, when I'll have another ultrasound to make sure the baby's growing normally.
I browsed through the pamplets while waiting for my turn to go in and meet the doctor (Heidi Oster) to have my ultrasound. I looked mostly at pictures of the fetus at 10 weeks, because that's how far along I thought I was after my visit to my regular doctor. I read a little about the embryo before that stage, and peeked at pictures of the undefined blob that was starting to form the shape of a head.
When it came time for the ultrasound, it took the doctor only a few moments to let me know that I was not 10 weeks along... I was only 7! And, sure enough, there was my blob on the ultrasound screen. She pointed to a flickering on the screen, in the middle of the blob, and told me it was the heart beat.
I was sent home with a picture of the ultrasound as well as bags of goodies, including books, information on breast feeding, coupons, and other important info. I'm still quite nervous, but looking forward to my next visit on April 1, when I'll have another ultrasound to make sure the baby's growing normally.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
And the doctor says...
...I was 7 to 8 weeks along for my appointment on February 26. I added 32.5 weeks from then and came up with an approximate due date of October 12.
This means in a week or two, I can call an OB-Gyn to set an appointment and have my first ultrasound! From there, they'll be able to give me a more specific due date.
Andrew's being a strong resource for me. He doesn't seem nervous at all and frequently offers to help me with anything and everything. I came home yesterday to some hot dinner and clean dishes. Honestly, I think he's worried about the possibility of having a girl, though. I don't think he knows what to do with a girl!
While I can't control my due date, I feel terrible that it seems to be about a week from when my sister wants to have her wedding. I don't want to miss it, but I can't see myself travelling when I'm so close to delivery. She's going to be such a beautiful bride and deserves to have her sister there for her big day. I told her, as long as it's physically possible for me to go and the doctor says it's OK, I'll be there.
In other baby news, my cousin Amanda is also expecting! She's due at the end of August. I can't wait, and I'm already thinking about how fun it will be that she'll have a kid the same age as mine. Julie and I always got so excited to see Tara and Amanda when we were growing up (of course, we still do! But I don't think our enthusiasm can match when we were little). I'm excited to pass that fun on!
This means in a week or two, I can call an OB-Gyn to set an appointment and have my first ultrasound! From there, they'll be able to give me a more specific due date.
Andrew's being a strong resource for me. He doesn't seem nervous at all and frequently offers to help me with anything and everything. I came home yesterday to some hot dinner and clean dishes. Honestly, I think he's worried about the possibility of having a girl, though. I don't think he knows what to do with a girl!
While I can't control my due date, I feel terrible that it seems to be about a week from when my sister wants to have her wedding. I don't want to miss it, but I can't see myself travelling when I'm so close to delivery. She's going to be such a beautiful bride and deserves to have her sister there for her big day. I told her, as long as it's physically possible for me to go and the doctor says it's OK, I'll be there.
In other baby news, my cousin Amanda is also expecting! She's due at the end of August. I can't wait, and I'm already thinking about how fun it will be that she'll have a kid the same age as mine. Julie and I always got so excited to see Tara and Amanda when we were growing up (of course, we still do! But I don't think our enthusiasm can match when we were little). I'm excited to pass that fun on!
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Doctor's Appointment Today!
I have my first doctor's appointment for the pending baby today at 3pm. I'm so excited and nervous for it. Andrew's getting off work early to meet me there; we're hoping that everything we hear is positive (nothing scary!).
My appetite has been next to nothing this week. I keep forcing myself to eat because I know I need to, but that's about it. Food will sound good, but as soon as I sit down to eat anything, I don't want it anymore. I've lost 2 pounds this week, and I know that's bad news. My doctor will probably tell me I shouldn't lose any weight while pregnant... I'll have to try to finish my meals.
Right now I'm trying to at least eat a grapefruit. It tastes good, but I don't seem to want anymore :( I've only eaten half of one. Is this complete loss of appetite normal?
My appetite has been next to nothing this week. I keep forcing myself to eat because I know I need to, but that's about it. Food will sound good, but as soon as I sit down to eat anything, I don't want it anymore. I've lost 2 pounds this week, and I know that's bad news. My doctor will probably tell me I shouldn't lose any weight while pregnant... I'll have to try to finish my meals.
Right now I'm trying to at least eat a grapefruit. It tastes good, but I don't seem to want anymore :( I've only eaten half of one. Is this complete loss of appetite normal?
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