I'm a fan of NPR on Facebook. They constantly spam stories--so many, in fact, that I can't read half of them if I wanted to. I typically browse the titles of the articles and click on any that sound interesting. Today, , they posted the following story, and I was intrigued enough to read it: http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2010/06/17/127904924/u-s-now-only-industrialized-nation-without-paid-leave-for-new-parents?sc=fb&cc=fp
As is evident from reading the title of the article, our country is now the only industrialized country that doesn't offer paid leave for new parents. Don't worry, there are a few undeveloped countries that also don't offer paid leave, like Swaziland.
Anyway, that's not the point. Not really. I got into a comment war with a few turds that couldn't see past their own noses. To roughly sum up their point, why should people be paid to go on an 18 week vacation for having kids?
I got a little peeved by that. OK, I got a lot peeved by that. Before I go on my rant, I'm going to give the disclaimer that I, too, used to think that way. I never wanted kids and found them to be gross and noisy and spoiled and generally unpleasant to be around.
But now that I have some experience of being a mom under my belt, let me tell you that being a mom and having maternity leave is not a vacation. Let me explain delivery to you. You push out a baby, and your skin tears. It tears to your butt. You cannot sit for weeks. For months, going number 2 makes you cry. Many nights, when you finally have a chance to sleep, you can't because of the pain. Additionally, as your body returns to normal, you start bleeding. And bleeding. And bleeding. You bleed so much, the nurses give you baby diapers to put in your underpants to soak up all the blood. You bleed for weeks.
In addition to the bleeding and general discomfort and pain, you're also lactating. Your precious newborn (who screams and cries during every waking moment) needs to eat for about 30 minute stretches every hour or hour and a half. Your nipples are sore, chapped, and sometimes bleeding. You can't leave the house or your baby for more than an hour at a time, so you can't get a break. Also, your bundle of joy can't sleep outside of your arms, because it doesn't know that you're still around unless you're holding him. In order for him to sleep, you alternate sleeping shifts with your spouse to hold the baby, so you don't get time together in bed to snuggle and de-stress. When baby finally does sleep in the crib (at about 3 weeks old), baby gets up every 2 hours or so for a diaper change and milk. You're so sleep deprived. You can't nap during the day because your baby only naps for 20 minutes at a time, and he'll only nap in your arms, anyway. In fact, you basically can never set him down. You even hold him while you pee.
A baby's crying peaks at 6 weeks. If you're lucky, you're financially stable enough to still be at home. I was. If you're going to be going back to work, you have to start your baby on a bottle at this time. This means, in addition to nursing your baby every hour and a half, you're now pumping your milk as well. You feel like a cow, making so much milk. At night, maybe your baby starts to sleep 4 hours at a time. You have so much milk in you that you leak it all over the sheets and wake up soaking wet and stinking of sour milk. But still, you can't shower, because you can't leave the baby.
I was lucky to be able to stay home with Oliver, and I'm still staying home with him. However, if you go back to work, then you (of course) have to pump milk at work. You have to pump for about 30 minutes every two hours, and then you have to clean your pump. I imagine the same people who complain about maternity leave are also complaining that you're pumping so frequently.
Our system is certainly broken. I have a cousin whose wife works while he stays home with the child. She can only afford to take a few weeks of maternity leave. The poor mom is going to have to leave her newborn and be pumping all the time, and I'm sure she won't be healed from delivery. I think that's just awful. I wasn't able to take leave, either, because I was at my job for a mere 10 months when Oliver was born. According to law, work places aren't obligated to offer FMLA unless the employee has been there at least 1 year. I missed it by two months. My boss told me I could take as much vacation and sick time as I had. People (especially my mother in law) donated time to me so I could stay at home for as long as possible. A few weeks wasn't enough, so I gave notice at work that I wouldn't be returning. At 3 months old, Oliver rejected the bottle completely, so even if I was on leave, I couldn't have been apart from Oliver for more than 2 hours at a time to nurse him. What kind of care giver would drive my baby to me every 2 hours to nurse him? There's no way I could have worked at that time, even if I wanted or needed to. My baby would have starved.
I want to say that having a baby is the most amazing thing. I never wanted one, but now I can't imagine my life without him. I feel so fulfilled and so happy. I feel complete. From the first moment I laid eyes on Oliver, I loved him unconditionally. I'd give up anything and everything for him if needed, without hesitation.
In spite of these incredible feelings, having a baby is hard. It's very, very hard. For me, it gets easier all the time (mostly because it was so impossible from the beginning), and now we're at the point where we get to spend most of the day playing together, which is wonderful. But it's important to understand that maternity leave (or paternity leave, for that matter) is not a vacation. Those first few months were the most challenging of our lives. Studies show the first year of the first born is also the most challenging time in a marriage. You're trying to learn how to be a parent, how to care for a baby (especially when you're of our generation and never had to raise younger siblings or spend much time around babies or kids in general), and you're trying to juggle that with getting any amount of personal time to do things like shower, and you're trying to maintain the house, and you're trying to maintain a good marriage by spending time (what time?) with your partner.
I am in support of paid maternity leave. I think companies need to invest in their employees, the same way they give them vacation time and (often) sick time. It would allow more mothers to heal physically, bond with their babies, and breastfeed. Besides, with so many people complaining about bratty kids these days, can those same people really argue that a solution to that problem is to spend more time at work? Finally, how can we consider ourselves an ethical nation if we're the only (industrialized) one that doesn't offer paid leave to mothers so they can be at home with their newborns?
Thank you for allowing me to rant. Good day.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Monday, June 14, 2010
Oliver's Sporatic Sleeping Patterns
On Thursday night, Oliver slept from 7pm to 3:30am in one stretch, and then he got up for the day at 6:30am.
Friday night, he went to bed at 7pm, but he woke up at 11pm. He cried for about half an hour before he went back to sleep. Then, he got up at 1am. I nursed him, and he went back to bed until 4:30am, when he got up for the day.
Saturday night, he went to bed at 7pm and didn't stir until 3:30am. I nursed him right away, and he slept until 6:15.
Last night, he couldn't stay awake, and we finally put him to bed at 6:15pm. He woke at 9:30pm and went back to bed after I nursed him. He was up again at 2:30am and then 3am; he got up for the day at 4:15am.
It seems Oliver either has a very good night and sleeps more than 8 hours at a time, or he has a terrible night and wakes constantly and gets up early. The nights he sleeps for a very long stretch are becoming more and more common. I'm very grateful for that. However, it seems like the difficult nights are becoming more common, too. Is that possible?
Friday night, he went to bed at 7pm, but he woke up at 11pm. He cried for about half an hour before he went back to sleep. Then, he got up at 1am. I nursed him, and he went back to bed until 4:30am, when he got up for the day.
Saturday night, he went to bed at 7pm and didn't stir until 3:30am. I nursed him right away, and he slept until 6:15.
Last night, he couldn't stay awake, and we finally put him to bed at 6:15pm. He woke at 9:30pm and went back to bed after I nursed him. He was up again at 2:30am and then 3am; he got up for the day at 4:15am.
It seems Oliver either has a very good night and sleeps more than 8 hours at a time, or he has a terrible night and wakes constantly and gets up early. The nights he sleeps for a very long stretch are becoming more and more common. I'm very grateful for that. However, it seems like the difficult nights are becoming more common, too. Is that possible?
Friday, June 11, 2010
Baby Skin Update
Since we stopped bathing Oliver every day and switched to every three days, his skin has improved drastically! He no longer has an itchy patch of dry skin between his eyebrows, and he's stopped scratching that area open. Thankfully, less bathing hasn't resulted in more cradle cap, either.
To clarify, the dry, itchy skin on his face was not the eczema concern. The questionable eczema patch started behind his ears, and then the same type of patch appeared on the side of his abdomen. These spots, too, have improved drastically, either from less bathing or from ceasing his yogurt consumption (or both).
To clarify, the dry, itchy skin on his face was not the eczema concern. The questionable eczema patch started behind his ears, and then the same type of patch appeared on the side of his abdomen. These spots, too, have improved drastically, either from less bathing or from ceasing his yogurt consumption (or both).
We're Talking
I think Oliver has reached a major milestone to start talking: He now responds to us verbally.
It began with clicking. He was done nursing and started to click his tongue. I clicked back at him, and he clicked back. This went on for about 5 minutes. Andrew got home, and I showed him. The following morning, they had a clicking conversation, too.
Then came the piggy faces. Oliver made a funny face at me, where he scrunched up his face and kind of snorted. It looked just like a piggy face. I did that back to him, and he started cracking up. He made it back, and then I made it back to him. Now, making the piggy face is one of his favorite things, and he does it all the time. He's doing it now as he plays with his bucket next to me.
Yesterday, he was babbling as normal. He said, "Mamamamamam." I often repeat his sounds back to him, and he's usually fascinated by it. Yesterday, however, he repeated it back again to me. I clapped for him, and he got really excited. We said, "Mamamamam," back and forth a few times. After Andrew got home, I tried to get Oliver to say, "Mamamamam," again, but he couldn't remember how. I'll have to wait for him to make the sound and try again.
This is so exciting! It's so much fun to "talk" to my boy!
It began with clicking. He was done nursing and started to click his tongue. I clicked back at him, and he clicked back. This went on for about 5 minutes. Andrew got home, and I showed him. The following morning, they had a clicking conversation, too.
Then came the piggy faces. Oliver made a funny face at me, where he scrunched up his face and kind of snorted. It looked just like a piggy face. I did that back to him, and he started cracking up. He made it back, and then I made it back to him. Now, making the piggy face is one of his favorite things, and he does it all the time. He's doing it now as he plays with his bucket next to me.
Yesterday, he was babbling as normal. He said, "Mamamamamam." I often repeat his sounds back to him, and he's usually fascinated by it. Yesterday, however, he repeated it back again to me. I clapped for him, and he got really excited. We said, "Mamamamam," back and forth a few times. After Andrew got home, I tried to get Oliver to say, "Mamamamam," again, but he couldn't remember how. I'll have to wait for him to make the sound and try again.
This is so exciting! It's so much fun to "talk" to my boy!
Thursday, June 10, 2010
The Merits of Peanut Butter
I'd like to first say that large quantities of peanut butter aren't safe for babies because it can pose a choking hazard. That seems pretty self-evident; after all, it's sticky and difficult to swallow! Peanuts themselves are, of course, considered a choking hazard, too.
That said, I've decided to start offering Oliver small quantities (specifically, a bit on my finger) of all-natural peanut butter, which is actually against pediatrician recommendation.
At Oliver's 6 month appointment, our pediatrician gave the green light on all food groups with some specific exceptions: fish (because of allergen risk), juice (because it's high in sugar and low in nutritional value and contributes to childhood obesity), honey (because of the botulism risk until age 1), and peanut products (because of allergen risk).
However, when I was pregnant with Oliver, I read a little article in Parents magazine that said new studies have shown that waiting to introduce peanut products to babies/children actually increases their risk of developing a peanut allergy. It doesn't just slightly increase their risk; the article said it increased their risk by tenfold.
I didn't think to ask the doctor at the time, and I wish I had. I've been absolutely paranoid about Oliver developing a peanut allergy. I stopped using lotion on both him and me when I read lotions containing peanut oil were linked to increase risk of peanut allergy (later, after contacting Aveno, I learned our lotion was free of peanut oil and resumed its use. Apparently, most lotions that contain peanut oil are "high end" lotions, especially from Europe). For a period, I drastically decreased my soy consumption because I read that might increase a breast fed child's risk of peanut allergy (I resumed soy consumption when I had to eliminate dairy from my diet).
My friend, Corinne, is a microbiologist, and she explained to me a bit about the hygiene hypothesis (Wikipedia article: http://http//en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hygiene_hypothesis). According to the hypothesis, kids who grow up in an ultra clean environment have "bored" immune systems that over react to their environment, and they end up with increased risk of asthma and allergies. I actually try not to keep our house too clean now by using just water to clean our floors and some surfaces, and I encourage Oliver to touch things outside like our flowers and tall grass.
Later, I decided to read up on the study I'd originally read about in Parents magazine. Here's a link to the study from The American Academy of Pediatrics: http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/cgi/content/full/124/Supplement_2/S118-a
Essentially, the researchers looked at groups of children in Israel, who have a very low occurance of peanut allergies. They then contrasted them to Jewish children living in the United Kingdom, where the incidence of peanut allergies is high and growing, just like in America. Anyway, they found that children in Israel are given peanut butter early on. Specifically, 69% of Israeli children were eating peanut products by 9 months of age (compared to 10% of children of the same age in the United Kingdom). In the United Kingdom, parents are (were) recommended to wait until their children reached age 3 to introduce peanuts. Anyway, they found the children from Israel were much less likely to have peanut allergies, especially the at risk group of children with eczema.
Recently, the American Academy of Pediatrics has stopped recommending that parents wait until age 3 to introduce peanut products to their children (http://http//www.webmd.com/allergies/news/20100514/peanut-allergies-in-kids-on-the-rise?src=RSS_PUBLIC).
Because the doctors have brought up Oliver's skin issues and mentioned the word "eczema" multiple times, and because an estimated 20-30 percent of infants have at least a mild form of the skin condition, I consider Oliver to be in the "at risk" group. Different websites I've consulted have stated that babies with eczema have anywhere from a 6% chance of developing a peanut allergy to a 10% chance. Additionally, my mom has a very mild allergy to walnuts (they cause her throat to itch), and that also increases Oliver's risk of a nut allergy.
Based on all the information I read (I emphasize this because I don't want people to think I'd disregard doctors' advice on a whim), I decided to introduce Oliver to peanut butter at 7 months. A few days ago, I put the tiniest dot of peanut butter on my finger tip and offered it to him. I watched him like a hawk for the next two hours, but he had no hives, no difficulties breathing. I waited until yesterday and repeated the small dot of peanut butter. Again, he had no issues. Today, I offered him a dab of peanut butter that I'd describe as a quarter of a pea size. Again, there were no issues. Typically, peanut allergy symptoms appear within two hours of consumption, and most other allergies appear within a week. So far, so good. I think I'll keep up the small amounts of peanut butter (perhaps by stirring in an eigth of a teaspoon into his bananas and apples) for a while and see how that goes.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
What's Wrong, Ollie Bear?
Last night, Oliver didn't sleep well. He was up at 10:30pm, 1am, 1:30am, 2am, 5am, and then up for the day at 6:15am. We tried everything from extra nursings, diaper changes, turning off the fan, opening the window, putting on warmer jammies, and finally even gave him a touch of Tylenol at 2am.
Nights like those remind me how much easier it is now compared to when he was just home from the hospital. But please, Oliver, only remind me of this once every few months, OK?
Nights like those remind me how much easier it is now compared to when he was just home from the hospital. But please, Oliver, only remind me of this once every few months, OK?
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Oliver's First Photo Shoot
For Mother's Day, Andrew's mom, Colleen, gave me a photo shoot for Oliver. The original plan was to have his pictures taken then, in the middle of May. I decided that the pictures would be better if Oliver was sitting, which he wasn't really at that time. So we waited until yesterday.
Yesterday, Colleen and I took Oliver to Wash Park to meet the photographer. He was dressed in his new jean shorts from Colleen and a plain, white T-shirt that I picked out for the occassion.
Our photographer, Lisa, brought a bucket and soft, white blanket with her. We took photos of Oliver in the bucket first. He was smiling and giggling, and it went well. We moved on to the edge of the pond and took photos of him sitting up on his own. He was even more smiley in those pictures. From there, we took a few pictures of him with Colleen. There were "serious" pictures of him studying her necklace as well as pictures of him in fits of laughter. After those, I set Oliver on the park bench, and Lisa took pictures of him smiling and looking serious. He sat there for quite some time, so I imagine there'll be a lot of good ones of him chilling on the bench. Last, but definitely not least, was my favorite of the bunch: Oliver wearing only his diaper, sitting right in front of a couple ducks. They were maybe five feet away, and Oliver was holding his stuffed, fuzzy duckling. The best part? He was crying. That sounds mean of me, but, I swear, it was so cute. At that point, we'd been taking pictures in the heat (yes, it was brutally hot even though we started at 9am) for an hour and a half. Of course he was cranky! But, I'm telling you, he looked absolutely adorable.
I'm dying to see all these pictures! Of course, she has to edit them on work on them for a bit. Lisa estimates we'll get our pictures in 2-3 weeks. Colleen was talking about buying the digital copies of them all so we can print from home, so I should be posting photos within a month!
Yesterday, Colleen and I took Oliver to Wash Park to meet the photographer. He was dressed in his new jean shorts from Colleen and a plain, white T-shirt that I picked out for the occassion.
Our photographer, Lisa, brought a bucket and soft, white blanket with her. We took photos of Oliver in the bucket first. He was smiling and giggling, and it went well. We moved on to the edge of the pond and took photos of him sitting up on his own. He was even more smiley in those pictures. From there, we took a few pictures of him with Colleen. There were "serious" pictures of him studying her necklace as well as pictures of him in fits of laughter. After those, I set Oliver on the park bench, and Lisa took pictures of him smiling and looking serious. He sat there for quite some time, so I imagine there'll be a lot of good ones of him chilling on the bench. Last, but definitely not least, was my favorite of the bunch: Oliver wearing only his diaper, sitting right in front of a couple ducks. They were maybe five feet away, and Oliver was holding his stuffed, fuzzy duckling. The best part? He was crying. That sounds mean of me, but, I swear, it was so cute. At that point, we'd been taking pictures in the heat (yes, it was brutally hot even though we started at 9am) for an hour and a half. Of course he was cranky! But, I'm telling you, he looked absolutely adorable.
I'm dying to see all these pictures! Of course, she has to edit them on work on them for a bit. Lisa estimates we'll get our pictures in 2-3 weeks. Colleen was talking about buying the digital copies of them all so we can print from home, so I should be posting photos within a month!
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