Walking, Discipline, and Mean People

Teaching Oliver to walk in public is the same thing as learning to discipline for me. It's very, very hard for me to be assertive in public, and I'd rather just do what's easiest. Does he want up? Fine. Does he want to use the potty just so he can wash his hands? Fine. Whatever, it doesn't matter.

That attitude has worked until now. Over the past few weeks, taking Oliver out in public has been a nightmare. I am miserable the entire time and just want to get home where things are normal. In public places, he wants to go to the bathroom over and over and over and over. When I finally tell him no, he starts to cry and then asks for, "Up." After I pick him up and set him down, he tries to run to the bathroom again. If I try to be firm and tell him no, it leads to tantrums. He starts crawling (of all the bizarre things to do), and it's very challenging for me.

As I stated in my blog yesterday, Andrew and I want to work on teaching Oliver to walk in public. We don't go out much, and we don't walk far (the grocery store is probably the most walking we do with Oliver), so we feel that it's an obtainable goal. At the very least, we don't want to have to carry him everywhere when he's two.

I've had anxiety about trying to discipline Oliver in public. I don't know why. I'm afraid of looking like a bad mom or something. I'm not an assertive person, and I'm not comfortable with, say, letting Oliver cry or putting him in timeout in a public place. I went on a few forums for parents and got some support from other parents with toddlers this age. Armed with information and support, I felt slightly more confident.

Today, I started dinner at 4pm. As soon as I finished chopping all the vegetables I needed, I realized I didn't have coconut milk. We had to go to the store for one item. I decided that one item is the perfect time to teach Oliver to walk. Before we left for the store, I sat Oliver down and I said, "Oliver, we're going to the store! We're going to the store, and you're going to walk. We just need to buy one item, and then we'll go home."

When we got to the store, I repeated the same message to him. I carried him through the parking lot and set him down inside. I was happily surprised when he took my hand and started walking. We made it about twenty feet when he stopped and looked up at me and said, "Up."

I said, "No, we're going to walk." Oliver sat down on the floor, and I felt certain there was going to be a tantrum. He asked me to pick him up again, and I said, "Remember, Oliver, we're here to get one item, and you're going to walk." And, so, he started crawling. It was 4pm, and the store was fairly busy. Still, I was glad he was moving on his own and not insisting that I carry him. So, I followed him for a bit as he crawled. I tried to stand him up once, but he tucked his knees up and wouldn't. So, I let him crawl all the way to the aisle we needed. When we were almost there, an older man (about sixty) stopped to let me know that this probably wasn't the best place to let him crawl around. On the one hand, I knew where he was coming from. On the other hand, where *is* the best place for me to be firm about not picking up my son in public? Should it be a restaurant? Where? At some point, at some place, parents have to teach their kids to behave.

Once Oliver and I got to the aisle we needed, I had an idea. I reached into my purse and gave him the Safeway card. He loves the Safeway card, and I thought holding it might motivate him to walk. It worked. At the end of the aisle, he thought about crawling. I said to him, "Look, Oliver! There's the checkout! Do you want to scan the card in all by yourself?" He got very excited and took my hand and walked all the way to the checkout.

There were only two lanes open. One was express, and one was regular. The regular lane was very long. Usually, I go through the regular lane anyway because things can just take longer with kids. This time, though, I didn't want to press my luck and make Oliver stand for a long time waiting. We had one item, so I decided to go to express.

There was only one couple ahead of us. They were about 60ish in age. The man could have been the same man I ran into earlier, but I'm not sure. I was really focused on Oliver, so I didn't pay attention. Anyway, this couple took a very long time to check out. They stood there, browsing the candy for a while and each chose an item. They got up there, and they didn't have a Safeway card. Long story short, it took about five minutes. Oliver was eager to scan in his Safeway card, but he was very, very patient. He looked at the candy a bit (he doesn't know what they are), and I told him it was looking and not for touching. He listened and didn't touch. He stayed right by me and was so, so good. In my proud mama brain, I thought, "I bet the people behind me are impressed with how well-behaved my son is being." As it turns out, that must not have been the case.

The couple finally got through the line, and then the register lady decided to take her time setting up her desk area, prepping her register tape for the next few changes. Oliver and I go to Safeway all the time, and this lady is always slow. By this time, there are about five people behind us. It's OK, though. I was a little rude and said to Oliver, "You're being such a good boy and being so patient. You'll be able to scan your card once she scans our item." I think she got the clue because she scanned in the coconut milk. I lifted Oliver up and used his hand to scan the Safeway card in. Then, I scanned in my credit card. Oliver took it. I said to him firmly, "No, Oliver, that's mine," and I took it from him and put it in my purse. I stood up to grab the coconut milk and receipt, and the lady behind me shoved into me to get me out of the way.

I was so offended. Oliver and I probably took all of 30 seconds to check out. The old couple took forever; the register lady took forever. Everyone took forever except us. As I stated already, though, I'm not very assertive. I didn't have the courage to say anything, but tears sprang to my eyes. It's silly, I know, but it was my first time trying to be consistent and strong-willed with Oliver in public. All things considered, he did a very good job. We honestly didn't take a long time at check-out. I wouldn't do that.

I left feeling deflated. We went to the grocery store for one item, and two people treated us poorly. I just wonder how these people think parents are going to teach their children to behave him public if they never have a chance to practice in public. As Oliver's mother, I felt proud. I'd stood my ground, and Oliver got through an entire trip to the grocery store without being carried and without sitting in a cart. We did it without tantrums, too. As an adult in this world, I felt humiliated and ashamed. People clearly gave us the message that we were in the way and unwelcome. I wonder, then, if they want me to just keep my child in a cart or stroller everywhere I go. Better to keep him out of the way than teach him how to behave? If so, they'd better not be the same people who scoff at parents who do this. In the end, I really do have two choices. I can teach my son how to behave in public. It will require him practicing and messing up sometimes. He might step in front of people or slow us down. Or, I can just keep him out of everyone's way, and when he's seven, he still won't know how to behave in public.

Bear Creek

Andrew and I took Oliver to the creek behind out house today. Part of the outing involved us working on being firm and teaching him to walk in public. Oliver frequently refuses to walk when we're outside of our home and will do whatever it takes (tantrums, screaming, whatever) to get us to pick him up and carry him. This outing was no different. When we were about 20 yards from the creek, we set him down and started to walk. Oliver stood and said, "Up!" I told him that he was going to walk. He tried saying, "Up," a few more times. We told him no, that he was going to walk with us.

Oliver had a tantrum in the middle of the trail. We were consistent and even stern at times. Other times, we were loving and sat and held him. We didn't give in and carry him. It took at least twenty minutes, but he finally walked on his own. OK, so he crawled most of the way, but then he walked. I thought for sure we'd end up caving before he did, but we managed to stay strong. I felt very good as a parent, knowing that consistency won out. Our little guy really needs to learn to walk in public, and I want to teach him to do so before he's a big brother.

Once he made it to the creek, I think he decided it was worth it. Here he is with Andrew checking out the creek:

Enough with watching the water. Oliver decided it was time to throw rocks into it!

Oliver asked his daddy to take him "in." Andrew confirmed with Oliver that he wanted to go into the creek. Oliver answered emphatically, "Yeah!" And that's how my two favorite guys ended up in the creek:

Andrew and Oliver came back to shore. After a minute on land, Oliver decided he wanted to go back into the creek. He had no fear and didn't wait for Dad, who had to scurry to catch him:

In the end, Oliver had so much fun. Andrew had just as much fun, and I think he's excited to take Oliver again soon. Sometimes, we get a little jealous when we see little kids out walking around and even doing easy hikes with their parents. Today was a small victory that will (hopefully) lead to being able to do those things with him.

Third Trimester

Friday, I entered into the third and final trimester! This pregnancy has flown by. I'm happy that the past few months have been healthy with no bleeding or other unusual problems.

As of today, I also think our little one is out of breach position! For weeks, all the kicking I've felt has been very, very low. Finally, today, the kicking is up high in my ribs. I'm so excited, and I feel like we're another step closer to a healthy delivery.

Symptoms have been fairly mild. Walking two blocks feels like I ran half a mile. I'm not as sleepy and have been able to wake up earlier and stay up later. I have to pee a couple times an hour, and when I'm active, a small amount has started to leak. That never happened in my last pregnancy! I've had heart burn a couple times, both episodes at night. My body aches, especially in my hips and the lowest part of my back. My feet aren't too swollen, but my face is. I still have the acne that developed a few months ago. The acne and facial swelling make me feel pretty gross.

I'm trying to focus on enjoying the pregnancy because I don't plan on being pregnant again. It's challenging most of the time. I'm looking forward to having our little one and having the pregnancy behind me!

100 (Attempted) Ways to Entertain a Young Toddler, Day 32: Blowing Know-How

Today's activity came straight from 365 Games Smart Toddlers Play. It's called Blowing Know-How, and it's listed as being age appropriate for toddlers who are 15-18 months old. After reading the activity, I decided we'd never done anything like it at our house. Even though Oliver is 21 months old, it seemed like an activity he'd enjoy.

Blowing Know-How is a simple cause and effect game. Next time you're at Starbucks or fast-food restaurant (even at a grocery store than has a Starbucks), grab a straw or two. Then, when you're looking for an activity for your little one, pull out the straw. Blow through it so the air pushes on your child's skin. I told Oliver, "Look, I'm blowing!" I blew on his skin. He was immediately interested. I gave him the straw, and he blew into it. Some spit came out, too. Haha.

Once they understand the concept of blowing into the straw, grab some light-weight items around the house. This book recommends items like feathers and Cheerios. I had some pom-pom balls from a craft store, so I grabbed those. I blew them around the floor a bit. Oliver was very interested. When it was his turn, he wasn't quite able to do it. He blew into the straw, but he didn't aim it right at the pom-poms. I helped him aim, but he wasn't close enough and wasn't blowing hard enough to make them move. After a few tries, he just started batting them around with his hands.

My main goal was for Oliver to have fun, but I was hoping he'd be able to do it all by himself, too. I tried to ditch the straw. I blew directly onto the pom-poms to show Oliver how the force could move them. He wanted to do it, too, but he put his mouth right on them and blew downwards. He didn't have the patience for me to show him again, so I decided that was OK. He still enjoyed playing with the straw and pom-poms, and he'd make them move by whacking them with his hands or the straw.


The game didn't last too long. From beginning to end, I'd guess that it lasted about ten minutes. I left the materials out. Usually, when I do this, Oliver's not very interested in going back to an activity on his own. This game was different. I caught him going back to the straw a few times, sometimes to blow and other times to just play with it and bend it. I'm happy to know that it's an activity he can enjoy on his own, so I give it an A!

100 (Attempted) Ways to Entertain a Young Toddler, Day 31: Pretend Chores

I'm no child expert. In fact, before I had Oliver, I'd spent almost no time around children at all. The only exception to that was when I babysat my younger cousins when I was fourteen.

I admit that I'm not a child expert, but, in my opinion, Oliver seems happiest when he knows he's helping out around the house. It seems to me that letting little kids have some responsibilities is good for them. The older they get, the more and more they can learn and try to do themselves. Maybe I'm missing something, but I don't see how that can be a bad thing. By learning how to handle stuff around the house, kids won't leave home being clueless how to, say, do the laundry or clean the tub/shower or sweep their floors. They'll know what needs to get done and how to do it.

I've always let Oliver help me. He likes to put away the clean utensils, and he likes to hand me the clean plates and bowls to put away. When we're about to run the dish machine, he likes to help me pour in the soap, and then he starts the machine himself. He loads laundry and likes to start the washing machine. When I fold the clean clothes, he always takes an article and shakes it out, mimicking me. I'm not allowed to sweep anymore until Oliver sweeps first. I pull out the broom, and once I start sweeping, Oliver *begs* me for it. I actually have two brooms, but that doesn't do the trick. As soon as I sweep a pile, Oliver sweeps it all over the floor. So, I let him sweep first, and then I get to it.

Once Oliver masters a chore, he's intent on mastering another. I have a difficult time making sure the tasks I give him are age appropriate. He has a difficult time understanding why I won't let him help with some things, like opening the oven. Don't get me wrong; he stays back when I tell him to. Still, when the timer goes off, he races to the oven and tries to open it. I also don't let him clean the toilets, even though he'd like to. Now that I'm pregnant, I don't use any chemicals and just use the brush to keep the toilets from getting icky. I know Oliver could do it and would have fun, but I worry that it's just a little too gross of a chore to expose a kid to. I also worry he'd want to use the toilet brush every day, and I'd have toilet water all over the house or something. Anyway.

Today, I decided that it's OK to teach Oliver some pretend chores. I had to purchase a new thing of laundry soap today. I looked at the empty one and decided that I could wash it out and let Oliver use it for pretend play. He's always wanted to help me with the soap, but I've never let him (although I let him open the soap drawer in the washing machine). He can't measure out laundry soap himself, and it'd be too messy for him to pour it himself. But who says he can't do pretend soap?

I rinsed out the empty laundry soap jug. That sounds easy, but it took forever. That stuff is really concentrated! Once I felt that it was adequately clean, I gave it to Oliver. It was a moment he'd been waiting for. He was so, so excited.

Here's him enjoying his empty jug of laundry soap:

After mastering the art of getting the lid on and off, Oliver decided it was time to practice pouring into the machine:

He *loved* it. I could tell how happy he was to finally be big enough to have his own soap jug. It really makes me want to keep brainstorming to figure out new ways Oliver can help. As I write this, I'm wondering if I couldn't let Oliver use the toilet brush to pretend to clean out his toddler potties. I bet he'd love it! Oliver has always enjoyed chores, and I've always enjoyed giving him chores and letting him help. I think pretend chores are just as good because he gets to learn and mimic Mom without potentially hurting himself or making the house worse for wear. Pretend chores get an A+!

Update: The following day, I decided to let Oliver have the toilet brush. I showed him how I can clean his potty with it I gave him the brush. He looked so excited and immediately started drooling. Oliver drools when he's focused and learning something new.

Oliver examined the brush and...
...ran off to the bathroom! He was not interested in pretend cleaning his little potty. Oliver wanted to clean the real toilet. So, he did:

After I let him get it out of his system, I went back to his little potty and again demonstrated cleaning it with the toilet brush. He took the brush back and ran back to the toilet. So, toilet cleaning turned into a real chore and not a pretend chore. Oliver still enjoyed it thoroughly.

100 (Attempted) Ways to Entertain a Young Toddler, Day 30: Chair Maze

I decided to choose another activity from The Toddler's Busy Book. It's called, "Chair Maze." All you need to do is arrange some chairs in a room and let your toddler enjoy crawling under and through all the chairs.

Oliver's in a new climbing phase, and so he preferred climbing on the chairs. I tried to entice him to walk under by creating a tunnel with a blanket draped over the chairs.

Eventually, it worked. For a few minutes, he enjoyed walking under the blanket, but he never crawled under the chairs. The activity still provided entertainment for him, but only for about five minutes or so.

I don't think this activity was a waste of time, but it wasn't anything that Oliver couldn't do on his own. These days, he enjoys pushing chairs around and climbing on top of them. Having me slide the chairs into the living room was new to him, but I don't think it was new enough to capture his attention for long. As I get close to my third trimester, even hauling chairs around can be exhausting, so I don't think this is an activity I'll go back to. I give "Chair Maze" a C.

Four Years Ago...

Happy Anniversary!

I was so nervous for our wedding day. I didn't want to walk down the aisle and be the center of attention. I trembled throughout the ceremony, but Andrew stayed strong, calm and supportive. I couldn't have gotten through it without him.

Thank you, Andrew, for always being there for me. Thanks for being such a strong person and a loving, patient father to our son. I love that you are slow to anger and never yell. I love that you always want to help and make life fun and easy. Marrying you was the best decision I've ever made.

More Blanket Fort Fun

The moment Andrew got home from work, he sprung into action to entertain our little guy. He decided to build a blanket fort. He made one model and then decided it wasn't large enough. So, he got more blankets and sheets to make another. It really put my blanket tunnel fort to shame. Oliver really loved watching him build the fort, and he stood by the entire time. After it was built, he crawled in and out repeatedly and generally enjoyed himself. His interest in the fort waned after only a few minutes, but the actual building of the fort kept him happy for quite a while.

Andrew's Blanket Fort, Attempt #1:

Andrew's Blanket Fort, Attempt #2:

Fun in the Fort: