Showing posts with label Parents. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Parents. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Parenting 102
Andrew and I also are trying to learn not to make excuses for Oliver. In the past, when we've started to try to be more firm with Oliver, we quickly changed our minds when he grew more upset. We fed each other excuses, "He's probably teething," or "Maybe he's just not feeling well," or "It could be the stress of weaning," or "He seems cold/hot." We've now come to accept that there will always be an excuse to not set limits and be firm with Oliver. We just need to not prevent us from doing what we're supposed to do.
Parenting 101
I used to think how lucky Oliver was to have parents as patient and loving as Andrew and me. He's been a very high-maintenance baby from the moment he was born. Lately, though, I've started to realize how fortunate we are that Oliver is as demanding as he is because it's forced us to learn to be parents.
Oliver started throwing his first tantrums a few months ago. In the last few weeks, they've gotten more extreme. He throws himself to the ground when he's upset, and if he still doesn't get what he wants, he starts throwing anything near him. Saturday morning, Andrew and I were completely miserable because Oliver wouldn't stop screaming unless one of us picked him up.
I realized that Andrew and I weren't the only ones unhappy. There's no way Oliver could be happy by spending his days throwing fits. So, if Andrew and I were not enjoying his company, and Oliver wasn't having a good time either, then we were failing him. The thing is, it's very easy to give him what he wants. It's very hard to not carry him around all the time when I know that's the one thing he wants from me. I told Andrew that we needed to draw a line in the sand. We had to start being tough with him. That sounds so cruel, knowing Oliver's just 12 months old. Still, the three of us did not deserve to be miserable!
For the rest of Saturday, we worked on not picking him up all the time. We insisted he sit on the floor to play games with us. At first, every time we put him on the floor, he started screaming. It was very hard to see him get hysterical, but we were persistent. We said firmly, "Uh-uh!" And when he kept it up, we ignored him completely and just talked to each other. Eventually (and it took a long, long time... over an hour...), Oliver stopped crying. We turned our attention to him and started to pick up toys, but the moment we gave him our attention, he started yelling and crying again, trying to get us to pick him up. This went on for the remainder of the morning and afternoon. By evening, though, there was already a lot of improvement. Andrew and I were relieved to see him play with his toys with us, play peek-a-boo, and crawl to get to things on his own again. Andrew and I were happy to be able to talk to each other, talk to Oliver, and play with Oliver. It was nice being a family.
Honestly, it felt so good that it worked. Had it not worked, I don't know what we'd do! The next morning (Sunday), Andrew and I had to start all over again. This time, it didn't take very long (less than an hour), and then Oliver transformed into a happy, interactive baby again. We gave him all the attention he wanted when he was out of our arms and not throwing a tantrum; we gave him little attention when we were carrying him and almost no attention at all when he was screaming/crying/whining.
Being firm with Oliver is the hardest thing I've ever done. Realizing that, I also realized how lucky we are that our first child has been this difficult. If he was easy-going, we would never have learned to be parents to Oliver. We would never have had to learn how to be firm and set limits. That wouldn't have been good for him.
This week has been much easier and so, so, so much more fun for me. It's very nice to be able to play games with Oliver or just watch him play while being nearby.
I'm not saying he never whines anymore. I am saying that it's not all the time, and it's much, much less frequent. I'm also saying that Andrew, Oliver and I are much happier, and I hope to never see the stress of these last few weeks again!
Oliver started throwing his first tantrums a few months ago. In the last few weeks, they've gotten more extreme. He throws himself to the ground when he's upset, and if he still doesn't get what he wants, he starts throwing anything near him. Saturday morning, Andrew and I were completely miserable because Oliver wouldn't stop screaming unless one of us picked him up.
I realized that Andrew and I weren't the only ones unhappy. There's no way Oliver could be happy by spending his days throwing fits. So, if Andrew and I were not enjoying his company, and Oliver wasn't having a good time either, then we were failing him. The thing is, it's very easy to give him what he wants. It's very hard to not carry him around all the time when I know that's the one thing he wants from me. I told Andrew that we needed to draw a line in the sand. We had to start being tough with him. That sounds so cruel, knowing Oliver's just 12 months old. Still, the three of us did not deserve to be miserable!
For the rest of Saturday, we worked on not picking him up all the time. We insisted he sit on the floor to play games with us. At first, every time we put him on the floor, he started screaming. It was very hard to see him get hysterical, but we were persistent. We said firmly, "Uh-uh!" And when he kept it up, we ignored him completely and just talked to each other. Eventually (and it took a long, long time... over an hour...), Oliver stopped crying. We turned our attention to him and started to pick up toys, but the moment we gave him our attention, he started yelling and crying again, trying to get us to pick him up. This went on for the remainder of the morning and afternoon. By evening, though, there was already a lot of improvement. Andrew and I were relieved to see him play with his toys with us, play peek-a-boo, and crawl to get to things on his own again. Andrew and I were happy to be able to talk to each other, talk to Oliver, and play with Oliver. It was nice being a family.
Honestly, it felt so good that it worked. Had it not worked, I don't know what we'd do! The next morning (Sunday), Andrew and I had to start all over again. This time, it didn't take very long (less than an hour), and then Oliver transformed into a happy, interactive baby again. We gave him all the attention he wanted when he was out of our arms and not throwing a tantrum; we gave him little attention when we were carrying him and almost no attention at all when he was screaming/crying/whining.
Being firm with Oliver is the hardest thing I've ever done. Realizing that, I also realized how lucky we are that our first child has been this difficult. If he was easy-going, we would never have learned to be parents to Oliver. We would never have had to learn how to be firm and set limits. That wouldn't have been good for him.
This week has been much easier and so, so, so much more fun for me. It's very nice to be able to play games with Oliver or just watch him play while being nearby.
I'm not saying he never whines anymore. I am saying that it's not all the time, and it's much, much less frequent. I'm also saying that Andrew, Oliver and I are much happier, and I hope to never see the stress of these last few weeks again!
Sunday, February 22, 2009
We're Adding a Limb to Our Family Tree...
So sang Ricky Ricardo in an episode of "I Love Lucy." Man, I loved that show as a kid.
Andrew and I never planned on having kids. We were content with the idea of being the world's greatest aunt and uncle. Sometimes, life doesn't turn out as you plan.
Over the last couple of weeks at work, I noticed I was getting hungrier than usual. I didn't want to over eat, so I purchased healthy options like string cheese, yogurt and fruit to eat. Then, I started to feel more tired than normal. At work, I kept thinking how I wanted to go home and sleep. Then, on Wednesday, my good friend Aminta and I went to do our usual work out. My stomach felt full, like I had indigestion or something, and I finally told Aminta I'd have to go home early.
On Friday, I felt the same full feeling. Andrew and I went out shopping for some Mucinex, and everything we passed looked delicious. Hot cocoa! Canned corn! Yum, yum. He teased me that I just wanted everything at the end of the aisles: "Do you need a cell phone charger, too?"
Friday evening, I was craddling my bloated stomach trying to think what I'd eaten that might have caused the indigestion. That's about the time it occured to me that I was late... like 10 days late. How had I not thought of it before? I tried to tell Andrew, but couldn't think how. When I finally worked up the courage and let him know I was late. He stayed calm and practical and offered to go out to buy a test. I was nervous and wasn't sure if I even wanted to know. He assured me that knowing is better than not knowing, and that's basically how I ended up peeing on a test stick at 10pm.
Truly, I didn't expect a positive result. I'm not sure why. I thought Andrew read it wrong when he told me it was positive. It was very overwhelming. I don't know how to be a parent! How's it going to come out of me? What about the house we wanted to buy? And could we even afford rent, much less a mortgage with a kid? I cried over the confusion, and Andrew hugged me. He told me that life doesn't turn out like we plan, and that's a good thing.
The next day, yesterday, I started to feel much better. It was nerve-wracking telling my parents. Everyone knew we didn't want kids; what would they all think when they found out we were expecting? But they were happy for us; my dad started talking about taking our kid to ball games. My mom joked that I'm so small; she said I'll end up looking like a basketball. Really, they were excited for us. I think that was the turning point for me, too, where I started to see having a kid as a positive thing. On the way home, Andrew and I talked about baby names. I won't tell you the ones we did like, but I'll tell you the ones we didn't. Andrew hated my pick Wyatt; I hated his choice of Harlen. He decided that we both get unlimited name vetos, since it's important we both like our child's name.
This morning, we went over to his parents' house to tell them the big news. Andrew told them in their kitchen, and they both started crying. His dad, Paul, told me I'd be a great mom. Colleen even bought me prenatal vitamins (the picture on the front with the very pregnant woman reminded me again of the fact that this baby is going to have to come out somehow).
There's a lot we don't know. I don't know how to hold a baby, much less figure out how to breast feed it. I don't know how to change a baby or, frankly, how to raise it. I know nothing of the birthing process, and the whole needle thing to the abdomin is a little too much for me at this point. Andrew asked me about birthing classes. I guess I'd go if it's recommended, but do we have to watch videos? I definitely don't want to watch a video. It'll only succeed in freaking me out more.
All I'm saying is I have 9 months (maybe 8? Possibly 7?) to figure all this stuff out. I have no idea where to start...
Andrew and I never planned on having kids. We were content with the idea of being the world's greatest aunt and uncle. Sometimes, life doesn't turn out as you plan.
Over the last couple of weeks at work, I noticed I was getting hungrier than usual. I didn't want to over eat, so I purchased healthy options like string cheese, yogurt and fruit to eat. Then, I started to feel more tired than normal. At work, I kept thinking how I wanted to go home and sleep. Then, on Wednesday, my good friend Aminta and I went to do our usual work out. My stomach felt full, like I had indigestion or something, and I finally told Aminta I'd have to go home early.
On Friday, I felt the same full feeling. Andrew and I went out shopping for some Mucinex, and everything we passed looked delicious. Hot cocoa! Canned corn! Yum, yum. He teased me that I just wanted everything at the end of the aisles: "Do you need a cell phone charger, too?"
Friday evening, I was craddling my bloated stomach trying to think what I'd eaten that might have caused the indigestion. That's about the time it occured to me that I was late... like 10 days late. How had I not thought of it before? I tried to tell Andrew, but couldn't think how. When I finally worked up the courage and let him know I was late. He stayed calm and practical and offered to go out to buy a test. I was nervous and wasn't sure if I even wanted to know. He assured me that knowing is better than not knowing, and that's basically how I ended up peeing on a test stick at 10pm.
Truly, I didn't expect a positive result. I'm not sure why. I thought Andrew read it wrong when he told me it was positive. It was very overwhelming. I don't know how to be a parent! How's it going to come out of me? What about the house we wanted to buy? And could we even afford rent, much less a mortgage with a kid? I cried over the confusion, and Andrew hugged me. He told me that life doesn't turn out like we plan, and that's a good thing.
The next day, yesterday, I started to feel much better. It was nerve-wracking telling my parents. Everyone knew we didn't want kids; what would they all think when they found out we were expecting? But they were happy for us; my dad started talking about taking our kid to ball games. My mom joked that I'm so small; she said I'll end up looking like a basketball. Really, they were excited for us. I think that was the turning point for me, too, where I started to see having a kid as a positive thing. On the way home, Andrew and I talked about baby names. I won't tell you the ones we did like, but I'll tell you the ones we didn't. Andrew hated my pick Wyatt; I hated his choice of Harlen. He decided that we both get unlimited name vetos, since it's important we both like our child's name.
This morning, we went over to his parents' house to tell them the big news. Andrew told them in their kitchen, and they both started crying. His dad, Paul, told me I'd be a great mom. Colleen even bought me prenatal vitamins (the picture on the front with the very pregnant woman reminded me again of the fact that this baby is going to have to come out somehow).
There's a lot we don't know. I don't know how to hold a baby, much less figure out how to breast feed it. I don't know how to change a baby or, frankly, how to raise it. I know nothing of the birthing process, and the whole needle thing to the abdomin is a little too much for me at this point. Andrew asked me about birthing classes. I guess I'd go if it's recommended, but do we have to watch videos? I definitely don't want to watch a video. It'll only succeed in freaking me out more.
All I'm saying is I have 9 months (maybe 8? Possibly 7?) to figure all this stuff out. I have no idea where to start...
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Everything is Beautiful
I check in on my cousin Missy's blog regularly (http://huggingthemidline.typepad.com/). It helps me stay connected to some of my extended family (Thanks to facebook.com for that, too!). That's not always an easy thing when you have a family as big as ours!
Today, I read about her thoughts on staying positive and grateful. It motivated me a bit to reflect on the positive things I have in my life.
For starters, I'm so happy to have our parents live close by. I get homesick sometimes, and it's nice to go see my parents whenever I want and get some Wii Golf time in. Furthermore, I'm glad to have Andrew as my husband. Today, for example, he came home for lunch, and we ate a delicious meal and snuggled with Bailey until he had to go. Having to go to work isn't the greatest feeling in the world, but I'm really glad we both have jobs during this recession. There are many families who have to worry about money and food and their homes every day, and I'm so, so grateful that Andrew and I aren't one of them. I'm also very glad that I have today off. I'm grateful to have these hours to myself to read, do the dishes, catch up on laundry, and add to my blog.
Today, I also felt really content when I took Bailey for a little stroll. She seemed to be doing much better after a few days of acting sick. It drizzled a bit on us, and we walked by two ducks sleeping in the pond under a tree. I love that feeling being out in "nature" causes in me; the feeling that everything is OK, and everything is beautiful.
Today, I read about her thoughts on staying positive and grateful. It motivated me a bit to reflect on the positive things I have in my life.
For starters, I'm so happy to have our parents live close by. I get homesick sometimes, and it's nice to go see my parents whenever I want and get some Wii Golf time in. Furthermore, I'm glad to have Andrew as my husband. Today, for example, he came home for lunch, and we ate a delicious meal and snuggled with Bailey until he had to go. Having to go to work isn't the greatest feeling in the world, but I'm really glad we both have jobs during this recession. There are many families who have to worry about money and food and their homes every day, and I'm so, so grateful that Andrew and I aren't one of them. I'm also very glad that I have today off. I'm grateful to have these hours to myself to read, do the dishes, catch up on laundry, and add to my blog.
Today, I also felt really content when I took Bailey for a little stroll. She seemed to be doing much better after a few days of acting sick. It drizzled a bit on us, and we walked by two ducks sleeping in the pond under a tree. I love that feeling being out in "nature" causes in me; the feeling that everything is OK, and everything is beautiful.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)