Family Sleep Deprivation

Oh, my! This past month has been brutal. Until today! It's 3am, and I can't remember the last time I felt so good. I'm giddy!

You see, Joanna is quite different from the way our little Ollie Bear was. Oliver was, well, a nightmare as a baby. I love the little guy, but all he did was scream all the time until he was about four months old or so. Getting him to nap during the day was a struggle. Between the hours of 7am and 7pm, we were just miserable. The only peace we got was at night. He woke up a couple times at night, but he'd always go straight to sleep after he ate. He'd eat, I'd burp him, I'd put him down in his crib, and things were good.

Jo's had the opposite problem--for this past month, anyway. Her first couple of months, she was a pro sleeper. She'd give us 8 hour stretches. She'd sleep 13 hour nights, getting up once. It was amazing. She's a happy baby, too. She rarely cries and throws fits. If she's upset, it's because there's something wrong, like a wet diaper. We can't believe how easy she is as a little one, at least as it compares to those first few months with Oliver.

Recently, though, she's struggled to sleep at night. I'm not talking about a few rough nights. Basically every night for a month, she's been waking up every hour or so. It has been killer. During the day, she's this adorable, cooing, smiling baby. At night, it's--well, it's not good.

It all started when she started breaking out of her swaddle at night. She'd wake up, bust out of it, and cry. I'd get up, reswaddle her, and put her back down. Over the period of a week or two, I started utilizing bad habits just to make things easier. I'd nurse her to sleep and transfer her to her bassinet (and, later, the Pack 'N Play) asleep. She stopped learning how to put herself to sleep at night, and she continued to break out of her swaddle, crying.

We decided it was time for sleep training. You don't typically use sleep training (like our favorite Ferber Method) until six months old, but we didn't know what else to do. We didn't want to use it to get her to sleep through the night or anything like that (4 month olds aren't ready for that yet). We just wanted to use it to teach her to sleep unswaddled.

It didn't work.

When you use the Ferber Method, you let your baby cry, but you go to your baby every few minutes (there's a set schedule) and soothe your baby with your words and touch. If your baby doesn't go to sleep after an hour has passed, you stop using the method and wait a couple more weeks to try again. When we used this method on Oliver to teach him to sleep unswaddled, it worked in less than half an hour. With Jo, she fought it for the entire hour. Brutal.

We let her continue sleeping swaddled, us waking up every hour or two to reswaddle her. I decided to try a technique that hadn't worked on Oliver--putting Jo to sleep with one arm out of the swaddle. It was very hard to get her to sleep (hours!), but once she did, she slept for a three hour stretch. That felt like a miracle. The next day, she slept for nearly a five hour stretch. I thought the problem was fixed!

It wasn't. Jo started to wake up again every hour or two, all night, every night. What was wrong? We didn't know. It led to a lot of tears of frustration and desperation. We just wanted to be able to get a stretch of sleep--even three hours, just to complete a single sleep cycle. Nope.

I tried putting her to sleep with both arms out of the swaddle. That didn't work. One night, about a week or so ago, Andrew swaddled her up out of desperation. She didn't break out and slept for about six hours. Oh. My. God. I felt like a new woman. Screw it, I thought. We'll just let her sleep swaddled until she's a teenager.

The next night, she woke up hourly again. Cry.

We decided to try the swaddle thing one more night. If she was going to wake up hourly, then there was no point in swaddling both arms in.

Well, that night, I was laying in bed, and I heard some quiet cries. When Jo just fusses, we let her fuss, on the chance she decides to put herself back to sleep. We wait to see if those fusses turn to cries or not. I had to use the restroom, so I got up and did that. On my way back, I decided to peak at her.

She was face down.

It was the single, scariest moment of my life. She wasn't just sleeping on her stomach. Her face was down, into the mat of the Pack 'N Play. I tipped her shoulder, and she immediately started screaming. I've never been so happy to hear her scream, and I started crying with relief. I was shaking and told Andrew what happened. No matter what, she needed to have at least one arm free. First, that would make it harder to roll over from back to front. Second, if she did flip, at least she'd have use of her arms to be able to push her head up and to the side for air.

We used the next few nights to teach her to sleep with both arms out of the swaddle. There was very little sleep happening. I started to get short with Andrew during the day, and he started to stay up with her downstairs for a few hours to give me a short stretch of sleep until he couldn't stay awake anymore.

He started to worry how the lack of sleep was affecting his job. He worried he'd fall asleep behind the wheel.

Saturday night, we decided to try sleep training again. We shipped Oliver over to Grandma Colleen's house for the night. I moved the Pack 'N Play to the living room to give Joanna her "own" room. At 7pm, I nursed her and plopped her into bed, both arms out of the swaddle. She cried. We soothed her every few minutes (3 minutes, then 5 minutes, then 7 minutes). She fell asleep. An hour passed, and she woke up. We didn't pick her up. We soothed her every few minutes again. An hour passed, and we did the same thing. Another hour passed, and we did it again. Twice, I changed her and nursed her, but for the rest of her wake-ups, we didn't pick her up. Finally, at 4am, she fell asleep for a stretch and slept until 7:30am.

The next day, yesterday, we made the decision not to let her nap in her Rock 'N Play bassinet. She sleeps in there too well, and we didn't want her to get her days and nights switched. So, for her naps, it was back in the Pack 'N Play. None of her naps were more than an hour. We knew she had to be really tired, but she wasn't caving. She wasn't going to put herself back to sleep.

...until last night.

Thank you, Joanna. You've done it! You've learned how to put yourself to sleep again.

Jo was very tired at 7pm. I swaddled up her legs but kept her arms out. I nursed her and put her in her Pack 'N Play. She started to cry. We used our method, and she fell asleep in about 15 minutes.

It's 3:30am now. My breasts are full of milk and ache a bit, but I feel incredible. I slept from 8pm to 2am. Six hours of sleep. Straight.

I couldn't go back to sleep at 2am. I worried about Jo. Was she on her stomach again? I had to go check. Nope! She's sleeping flat on her back, arms down at her sides, just snoozing away.

Every night won't be like this, I know. She's probably making up for all of the sleep she lost over the past couple days. Here's the thing: I don't mind getting up to feed her and change her when she needs it. One, two, even three times a night, I'm all about it. Here's a fresh diaper, here's some warm milk, here's your crib. But I physically cannot handle getting up and walking or rocking her back to sleep every time one of her sleep cycles ends. Actually, that's not fair. To be honest, Andrew (he's such a saint, I swear) does most of the nightly work. He needs to sleep, but I really need my sleep. I think it's genetic. At 60, my dad still sleeps 8-10 hour nights and naps on his days off. When I was 18-20, I still needed to sleep 14-16 hour nights. When pregnant with Oliver, I needed to sleep all the time--all day, every day. I only wanted to wake up for a few hours a couple times a day. I couldn't handle staying awake through an 8 hour work day, and I remember trying to get my shift shortened to get more sleep (that didn't work). At 29, I typically don't function well on less than 9 hours of sleep. Before Jo was born, I'd need to get a 12 hour stretch of sleep a couple times a week. That entailed going to bed right when Oliver did at 7pm and sleeping through until 7am the next day. This nonsense of waking up every hour or two just hasn't sat well with me.

I know, being a parent of a baby comes with sleep deprivation. I get that. If Jo wasn't sleeping tonight, I'd be pushing through it. Somehow, we've made it work and have gotten through night after night of no sleep. But desperate times call for desperate measures, and I'm so, so, so, so happy that the sleep training has worked. At least for tonight.

Thank you, Joanna. We're coming up on 4am, and you're still snoozing. There's going to be an end to our sleep deprivation. I've never been so happy in my life.

In Other News: A New Sleep and Milk Record

In other news, Oliver set a new record last night. He went to bed at 7:15pm. He awoke at 3am, and Andrew went in to calm him. It didn't work, so we let Oliver cry himself to sleep (it took about 5 minutes). Then, Oliver slept until 5:45am, when he got up for the day. Ten-and-a-half hours is his record between nursings, and I'm very excited to think that, had he not woken at 3am, he would have slept that whole stretch!

Additionally, Oliver went nearly eight hours during the day between nursings yesterday. That's a day time record! He went from 7:45am to 3:15pm.

By reducing his nursings to 3-4 times a day, my cycle has officially resumed. There are changes going on in Oliver's body, too. Namely, his poop has started to really stink. That might sound strange, but babies who nurse have pretty sweet-smelling poop (As an infant, when Oliver ate nothing but milk, Andrew said his poop smelled like graham crackers. Later, after we introduced solids but still nursed him regularly, his poop smelled sort of like fermented fruit--not good, but not offensive). Babies who are on formula have very foul-smelling poop. Anyway, now that Oliver is nursing so infrequently, his poop has started to smell foul, too. Yuck.

Sleeping Through the Night?

Yes, I understand that five hours is technically considered "sleeping through the night." I think the reason for that is because, at five hours, a baby must have soothed himself/herself to sleep during that time. Oliver has been sleeping through the night since he was a few months old, if you look at it from that standpoint. Back then, we did. Now, however, we're ready for him to sleep from the time we lay him in the crib until the time he's awake for the day.

It's been less than a week since we started pushing his middle-of-the-night feeding back, and he's now going about 9 to 10 hours between bed time and his nursing. Previously, he was going from about 7.5 hours to 9 hours.

Speaking of nursings, his weaning has been going well. Oliver is currently nursing 3-4 times a day! Yesterday, for example, he nursed at 4am (which seems early, but it was the end of Daylight Savings Time), 7:30am (because we had some driving to do, and I wasn't sure how long we'd be gone for), 1pm, and 7pm. Then, he did a big stretch from 7pm to 4:45am. Go, Ollie, go!

CIO and Sleeping Through the Night

Andrew and I decided that Oliver is ready to forgo his 3-4am feeding. That feeding hasn't been too much of a bother, and sleep training is. However, I've come to realize that Oliver will be in a big boy bed in a few months, and if he can't sleep through the night then, then he'll be crawling into bed with us. I don't want that, and, so, it's time.

After going to bed at 7:30pm, Oliver woke at 3:15am. That's a little on the early side, which was good because I knew he couldn't be too hungry. Andrew got up and walked him and then put him back in the crib. Oliver went ballistic. I waited five minutes, and then I went into his nursery, laid him back down, put my hand on his belly, and sang him the ABC song. Oliver was relatively calm, but once I whispered, "Good night, sleep tight," he stood up screaming. Andrew and I alternated going into Oliver's room to calm him every 10-12 minutes after that. At 4:15am, I wanted to give in, even though I knew it would undo the last hour's worth of work. Andrew said that we should give him until 4:30am, and I agreed. Oliver fell asleep at about 4:25am. He slept until 6:15am! He did it! That's the longest he's ever gone without nursing, and the oldest he's ever been for sleep training. I'm so proud, and I'm starting to get really excited over the idea of uninterrupted sleep.

My only regret is that Oliver goes in for his vaccinations today, and I'm worried we should have waited a couple more nights.

The Snoozer

For three nights in a row, Oliver slept from roughly 7pm to 4:30am straight. I couldn't believe it! What brought on the change? Your guess is as good as mine. OK, so maybe I have some idea. It seemed to start when we began putting Oliver to bed still awake. Errrr... let me say, for night time, we used to put him to bed slightly awake all the time, and then we did it occasionally. For the last week or so, we've been putting him to bed when he's sleepy, but completely awake.

Back to last night. He woke at 3am. Three o'clock is still OK in my book, but it left Andrew & me baffled. What should we do? Should we let him cry for a while and see if he goes back to sleep until 4:30am? Should I go back to nursing him? Should we try to soothe him in other ways and pick him up, or would that mess up any method of teaching him to put himself to sleep?

I think we did everything wrong! First, we let him cry for about 5 minutes. He wasn't crying hysterically or anything, just fussing. Andrew went in and tried to calm him. It didn't work. After ten minutes, I decided I'd nurse him. I mean, waiting 9 hours between feedings is probably a lot for a little guy. So I nursed him and put him back into bed. He didn't go to sleep. In fact, his crying worsened and got borderline hysterical. I changed his diaper and nursed him again, but he was still freaking out. Was he in pain from teething so much? Was he hot? Was he cold? He seemed fine.

Finally, at 4am, we decided that maybe he just wasn't tired. It was Andrew's turn to deal with a ridiculously early morning, so he got up and grabbed Ollie Bear. No sooner was he down the stairs than Oliver was asleep in his arms. Andrew went back upstairs, he laid Oliver down, and Oliver slept for 45 minutes. He woke up fussing, and we assumed he was up for the day. After 30 minutes of play time with Daddy, though, he fell back asleep and slept until 6:30am.

We're still not sure what the problem was. Heck, maybe it was nothing. After all, Oliver's a baby! But I can't help but worry that he was in pain or something. His skin was a lot worse today. I'm convinced that it is eczema because he's getting scaly patches on his sides and elbows. Also, he's cried in the tub the last three days. He started baby yogurt about a week ago, and I'm going to cut it out of his diet to see if that will help his skin.

Sweet Dreams

Oliver set a new world record! Well, maybe just a Shattuck household record. He went to bed at 7pm last night, as usual. At 11pm, he woke and fussed about a minute or two and went right back to sleep. Then...

....he slept until 4:45am! Straight! I nursed him at 4:45am, and he was wide awake. I laid him down in his crib and whispered, "Good night," and left the room. He remained awake, but he laid in his crib for another half hour before complaining for me to come get him.

Hurray for his first (kind of) night of sleeping all the way through with no middle of the night feedings!

Sleep Success!

Because Oliver has teeth now, we're not too keen on the middle of the night feedings. We don't want to rot away his chompers!

Normally, Oliver gets up once in the middle of the night (around 1 or 2am). Then, he usually gets up again around 4 or 5am and will only go back to sleep if he gets fed again. I'd say he skips that wake up about once a week. That one day a week, I feel much more rested.

We decided that Oliver is definitely old enough to only get fed once. But how to stop a habit? Last night, we were determined not to give in for that early feeding because everything I read said babies his age can go 9 - 12 hours without a night feeding. I decided he can certainly go 9 hours. I thought I'd soothe him in other ways.

At 6:30pm, I fed him, and at 7pm, Andrew put him down for the night (I didn't feed him right before putting him down because I didn't want to mess with any milk pooling around his teeth). He slept until 3am! At 8.5 hours between feedings, I decided it was good enough and nursed him. I put him back down into his crib, and he slept until 6:30am! OK, so maybe he fussed at 4:30am and 5:30am, but those fussings were all of 2 minutes before he went back to sleep on his own.

He's such a big boy!

This morning, he's doing a marathon nap of 2 hours. I like it when he naps only twice during the day for longer stretches because I feel like he's getting through his sleep cycle and getting more rest. Plus, maybe he's growing more!

Sleepy Bear and the Closed Door

Last night, Oliver didn't want to go back to bed after his 2:45am feeding. We gave him a few pats, and I sang him a lullaby. When that didn't work, we decided to close his door, and we went to sleep. I'm not sure what happened after that, but I woke up at 6:15am to him calling out to get up for the day. On one hand, I feel guilty about leaving him to fend for himself last night. On the other hand, it seemed to work so well.

And the Worst Mom of the Day Award Goes to...

At 8am this morning, Oliver got super cranky, which is his way of telling me he needs a nap. I tried to walk him to sleep, but that didn't work. I nursed him, and he fell right asleep. However, the moment I set him in his crib, he started screaming and crying. I gave him about five minutes, but I finally decided he was no longer tired. I pulled him out of his crib, changed his diaper, and took him downstairs to play.

When we were downstairs, I noticed something was stinking like poopy. I'd just taken all his old wipes down to the kitchen trash, so I decided that was the source of the stink, and I took the garbage out. Meanwhile, Oliver was still super cranky and complaining & crying. I walked him around, and he fell asleep. Once again, as soon I lowered him into the crib, he started crying. I pulled him out and sang to him, and he fell fast asleep. Or so I thought. He hadn't so much as touched the matress when he awoke, crying. I pat his back and whispered, "Shhh," and finally decided to let him cry to sleep.

Five minutes later, he was still crying, so I went back upstairs and pat his back and whispered to him. Ten minutes later, I did the same thing. It's very stressful and heart-breaking to hear him cry that long (Fifteen minutes doesn't sound that long, but try listening to a crying baby for that long, and you'll understand). I didn't want to give up because I read that if you pick a baby up when you're doing this method, it un-does all the work you did. After another ten minutes, I was about to go back upstairs, when he finally fell asleep. Whew!

After about half an hour, he woke up, and I ran upstairs and picked him up and smooched him and told him what a good boy he was... and then I noticed the poop stink again. Uh oh. I took him to the changing table, and he had poop all the way up his back to his shoulders, and it was crusted onto his butt cheeks. I can't believe it. I made my baby sleep in his feces! No wonder he was so upset. Poor baby.

And so it was that I earned The Worst Mom of the Day Award.

Sweet Dreams, Little Bunny

Oliver fell asleep completely on his own (unswaddled) tonight. OK, so maybe he was mostly asleep when I laid him down. Still!

However, he woke up an hour later, crying, so we had to do our nightly routine of coming into his room, patting his tummy, and whispering sweet words. It took about 15 minutes, but he fell asleep again.

He's really getting pretty good at sleeping without a swaddle. I never thought I'd see the day. Seriously, I had visions of myself swaddling up a walking baby. AAahhh, this much better.