Joanna's Birth Story

Almost all of the pre-labor symptoms I'd had (Braxton-Hicks contractions, pain in my cervix) completely stopped over the weekend. I was still in a lot of pain and had difficulty getting around, but, by Monday, I felt great. My body was less achy, and I was convinced that the upcoming birth was a while off.

Monday night (November 7), the contractions came back. There weren't many--maybe three--all evening, but they were more painful than before. I went to bed early just in case. Throughout the night, I woke up every half hour to two hours. I'd feel a few seconds of pain, and that was it. The baby was moving like crazy, and I had trouble sleeping. Oliver woke up every time I did, so Andrew had a restless night, too.

At 5am on Tuesday (November 8), I stopped trying to go back to sleep. I laid there and wondered if the contractions would lead up to labor. They were pretty painful, but they only lasted a few seconds. When I stood up, they increased in intensity, but not in length. I was experiencing contractions that lasted only about 10 seconds long every 4-5 minutes.

Oliver, Andrew and I all went downstairs at 6am for breakfast. I was confused about whether or not to call the midwife because my contractions were so short. However, they hurt so badly that I couldn't talk through them. I finally called her, and she told me to come in for an exam at 7:30am. My mother-in-law, Colleen, came over to watch Oliver while Andrew and I headed to the hospital. The drive was about thirty minutes. I only had two contractions during the drive. In between contractions, I thought that there was no way I was actually in labor, and I was wasting everyone's time. Their timing had slowed down, and they weren't lasting long. Then, a contraction would hit, and it hurt so much that I knew this was the real thing.

Andrew dropped me off at the ER entrance and left to find parking. As soon as I stepped out of the car, the contractions started to come much more frequently. By the time I was brought to my room, I started to have them about two minutes apart. My midwife looked at my face and said, "That is a woman in labor." She hooked me up to a monitor, and I learned my contractions were actually lasting a full minute each. I only felt about 10-15 seconds of them, though. Last week, I'd been dilated 3cm. At the hospital, I was dilated 5cm. I was admitted.

Because of everything that needed to be taken care of first, I didn't get my epidural until 9:30am. The last half hour of that was pretty excruciating. Getting the epidural wasn't painful, but getting the IV in my arm was awful. It was the worst part of labor, and I cried like a baby after the nurse dug into a vein for the third time and missed. Once the epidural kicked in, the pain stopped completely. I couldn't fall asleep, but I was able to relax and visit with my parents and my husband. My midwife checked me, and I'd dilated to 7cm. She predicted the baby would arrive by lunch time.

Lunch time came and went. I stayed dilated at 7cm for a couple of hours, but the most discouraging thing was that the baby wasn't dropping. She was at a -5 when she needed to be at a +2 to push. This is what happened at Oliver's delivery. My midwife started to talk about Pitocin. I wanted to yell, "No!" because Pitocin was the worst thing ever, and it didn't succeed in pushing Oliver down. Nothing did, until my doctor had let me try to push him down myself. I told my midwife that, and she responded kind of snippy. She said, "If you need Pitocin, then you need Pitocin." She said she'd be back in a little while to check me again to see if the baby would drop.

After my midwife left, I started to secretly push down (just a little) at the peak of some contractions. I couldn't feel the contractions, but I could see them on the monitor. When my midwife checked me next, she was thrilled at my progress--our baby dropped to -1! There was no more talk of Pitocin. As she felt my dilation, my water broke. I gently pushed down through a few more contractions.

At some point (I can't remember when because the day went by in a blur!), I needed to be given medicine for my low blood pressure. I'd been at increased risk of high blood pressure during delivery because of my increased HCG levels early in the pregnancy. That was not an issue! My blood pressure dropped low, and our baby's heart rate dropped in response. I was put on oxygen and given some sort of blood thickener (I believe).

Around 3pm, I could really feel the pain of the contractions through the epidural. I couldn't talk through them, and I felt like I needed relief. The anesthesiologist's nurse gave me a boost of medication. It took the pain away, and that was what I wanted. However, it also made me feel drowsy and nauseated. It numbed me a little too much, and I couldn't feel any pressure at all. That's when my midwife came back. She checked me and announced I was ready to push! She and a nurse quickly got things ready. I told them I'd need their help telling me when to push because I was completely numb. Right when the told me to, I needed to vomit. Andrew had to help me throw up in a vomit bag three times. Once I was done throwing up, the nurses told me to push. I pushed, and I could feel our baby's head. They told me when to push the second time, too. Then, they told me I just needed one more good push and to do it when I was ready. On that third push at 3:30pm, Joanna Elizabeth was born.

Jo was put on my chest immediately. I broke down in tears. Both times I've experienced childbirth, I've worried I wouldn't feel bonded to my baby immediately. Thankfully, that isn't a problem I've ever experienced. I felt a flood of emotion, but it was mostly love. She was beautiful. Somehow, she had dark hair, almond-shaped eyes, and even a cleft chin.

Andrew snapped this photo within minutes of delivery:

Five minutes or so passed, and my midwife asked Andrew to cut the cord. He did, and cut it cleanly with one slice (as he'd done after Oliver's birth). I held her and nursed her for her first hour of life. After that, Andrew got to hold her, and she was finally measured and weighed. Baby Jo weighed in at 7 pounds, 11 ounces and measured 20 inches.

It took longer for me to deliver the placenta. It didn't detach by itself, and my midwife had to manually remove it. I wonder if the reason it didn't detach was related to the bleeding I'd experienced earlier in the pregnancy. Perhaps not. As my midwife worked to dislodge the placenta, I was quite grateful I was still numb from the previous boost of medication from the anesthesiologist's nurse. If I hadn't been, I think that would have been the worst part of the entire labor and delivery. She quickly stitched up a "superficial tear" that I assume only required one stitch. I was quite pleased that I wouldn't have to deal with another 4th degree tear!

My legs regained feeling fairly quickly. After an hour, I was able to get up, walk, and use the washroom (albeit slowly and with help from the nurse). Shortly after that, we received our first visitors.

Here is our first family shot, which captures the first time Oliver met his baby sister:

Oliver was very cuddly and didn't want to leave my side. I got to hold both of my babies. Amazing.

Grandpa Larry got to hold his first granddaughter, Joanna:

Grandma Judy also got to hold Jo, the grand baby named after her mother:

And here is Grandma Colleen holding Jo, who she believes is the most beautiful baby to enter the world since Oliver:

We transitioned to our room in Maternity. I was pleasantly surprised they had a room for us! Apparently, there were so many births between Monday and Tuesday that they'd run out of rooms. Many people had to stay in their labor rooms.

This photo of Jo was taken about 6 hours after birth. She still hadn't been cleaned from delivery. In fact, she didn't get cleaned until nearly 1:00am--that's how busy the hospital was!

We didn't even get to try sleeping until the wee hours of the morning. Even then, nurses went in and out, dropped things, bumped into our beds, and just generally woke us up all night. Jo, on the other hand, slept soundly through it all. I had to wake her to nurse, and, even then, she was too tired to try latching on a couple of times. We managed to survive the first night, and, in the morning, we were rewarded with a visit from Oliver! Once again, he was thrilled to see us and his sister.

Joanna, Day 2, finally cleaned up:

Mother & Daughter:

Father & Son:

Oliver even taught Grandpa Larry how to play Angry Birds:

Still Here.

This is my TMI post. For other pregnant women who are curious about their symptoms, please read on. For people who really don't care about the intimate details of my bowels and such, you can skip this entry in its entirety.

Our baby has not arrived yet. I'm kind of OK with this. Every time another day passes, I think, "11/11/11!" I'm semi-kidding.

That's not to say that there haven't been any changes. There have! For the past 24 hours, I've been losing my mucus plug. Some women go into labor when that happens. For other women, it can still mean labor is a couple weeks away. So, really, I don't know more than I did Wednesday. It's exciting to have something happen, though. Really, it feels good to know my body is getting ready. I didn't get to go through any of this stuff with my first pregnancy.

A couple of weeks ago, I started to have loose stools. You see, when you're pregnant, your digestive system tends to slow down a lot to make sure your body can extract all the nutrients it can. Many women end up constipated when pregnant. Things loosened up for me these last few weeks. When it first happened, I thought, "Maybe this is a sign!"

Well, today, I've had a little diarrhea. Nothing too major, but enough to get me thinking (once again), "Maybe it's time!" Many women experience diarrhea within hours or days of starting labor. Some doctors think it's the body's way of clearing out the bowels to make room for a baby passing. Anyway, I suppose it could just be a coincidence, but with the dilation and loss of mucus plug, I can't help but think labor is going to start very, very soon.

Finally, my pains changed today. I still get the occasional stabbing sensation and pressure, but I've been getting pains in my side throughout the day. You know when you run too fast too quickly? You get those side pains that make you stop in your tracks, and it hurts to continue moving forward. You're basically forced to stop and walk really, really slowly. Well, that's exactly the pain I've had today (although, I can guarantee you that it's not from running!). There have been a few occasions today where it's hurt too much to even stand, and I'm forced to sit back down. It got so extreme that Andrew actually had to leave work to help me out at home.

Poor Oliver. It breaks my heart how much he's been neglected all week. I'm in so much pain in my back and pelvis (and now my side) that I just can't do anything. He's been forced to play a lot on his own, and we've snuggled and watched way too many music videos. I don't know what else to do. I keep trying to remind myself that I'm doing the best I can and that this is all temporary, but, to be honest, I wish I was able to be more involved these days. In case you'd wondered, that's the reason the 100 Ways to Entertain a Toddler posts have all but ceased.

Anyway. Labor is coming soon. I know it. Part of me wants to hold out until Friday, 11/11/11, but another part of me (the part that hurts and the part that feels so badly for my son) is ready for labor any time now. I'll keep my blog updated as much as I can!

Getting Close!

Well, as it turns out, all the pains I dealt with on Friday and yesterday meant something!

I went to see my midwife today. It was my first internal exam because I missed my appointment last week due to snowy weather. There was snowy weather again today, but my husband took off for the afternoon to get me to my appointment. I talked to my midwife, and I told her about the pains I'd been feeling. I explained to her how I hadn't felt any labor signs with Oliver at all and ended up being induced, so I'm not sure what to expect with this labor and delivery. I described the stabbing pains that have felt like pap smears, and I described the pressure and occasional contraction. She said it was all normal. I told her, "Well, now I'm hoping you'll tell me that all these pains meant something. I hope to be at least a little dilated."

Well... she told me I was 3cm dilated and 60% effaced! Also, she told me that my water was "bulging." What? I didn't even know you could be 3cm dilated without being in labor! I later read online that many women are 1-2cm dilated for their second pregnancies before going into labor. Some women are dilated up to 3cm before labor. I read you can't really use that information to determine when labor will begin because some women will stay 3cm dilated for a week. Still, I'm so excited that my body is preparing!

My midwife asked me if I'd like her to sweep my membranes. When a midwife or doctor sweeps the membranes, they use their fingers to sweep across and separate the membranes/sac from the cervix. It releases hormones that can help cause labor to start within the next 48 hours. She told me that doing so is slightly painful and could result in some cramping and spotting. She said, in my case, the treatment would have about a 50% chance of being effective.

I couldn't decide on the membrane sweep. On the one hand, Oliver's got a lingering cough, and I don't want to go into labor and have him not be able to visit me in the hospital. Also, part of me is still thinking about the 11/11/11 birthday, even though that shouldn't really matter. On the other hand, my body hurts. Every week day is overwhelming for me, and it's getting so difficult (physically) to take care of Oliver. I finally decided to go for it.

The procedure actually didn't hurt at all. She told me that it's sometimes difficult to reach to do the sweep, and she struggled to reach with me. Also, she said a little bit of blood can be a good sign, but I didn't have any blood. She didn't say it, but I got the impression that she wasn't very confident the sweep she did would help stimulate my labor. I'm OK with that.

It's been about three hours. I haven't had any cramping or discomfort from the sweep. So, I don't think labor is imminent yet. However, I'm so excited to know that the next time I start to deal with the pains might be the real thing! Three centimeters! Woohoo!

Pre-Pre-Labor Signs?

I wrote a post on Friday regarding the false labor symptoms I seemed to be having. The pains grew more intense throughout the evening and then suddenly stopped before bed. Before they stopped, I thought, "This has to be pre-labor!" No, it wasn't.

The weekend was full of aches and pains, but nothing that made me think labor was on its way. The pains were mostly limited to my hips, back, and butt bones. Today, however, I'm getting some of those stabbing pains again. It literally feels like a doctor is giving me a pap smear, which is why I keep describing the pains to my husband as being located "in my cervix." To all you ladies out there, imagine having a pap smear last about 2 minutes long. That's what I'm feeling right now. Stab, stab, stab. Not fun.

I haven't lost my mucous plug yet (that I'm aware of), so I don't think I've dilated much. However, I have yet to get an internal exam from my midwife. I go in tomorrow, and I hope to hear that my body is showing some signs of progressing.

Like my last post on labor signs, I'm going to wait a while before posting this one. I just don't want to get people anxious or unnecessarily excited about our baby's arrival when there's still no real contractions or other signs of impending delivery.

False Labor

I didn't get to labor at home with Oliver because I was induced. Thus, I don't really know how this whole labor thing really starts out. It's Friday. I'm 38 weeks pregnant (full term), and I'm in pain. All week, I've been having incredible back pain and occasional pressure down low. At the grocery store yesterday, I could feel "pop, pop, pop, pop," with every step I took. I kept thinking, "Maybe this means I'm close."

Today, I was reading something funny online while Oliver napped. Every time I laughed, the low pressure would increase, sometimes to the point of being almost painful. Was this a sign? I don't know.

It's nearly 7pm. At 5pm, I started to feel sharp pains every time I stood. It felt like I was getting a pap smear over and over again. I'd read that one of the ways to tell the difference between labor and false labor is to change positions. If changing positions makes you feel better, you're not in real labor. Well, every time I sit, I feel fine. Sometimes, I feel cramping, like menstrual cramps, but that's it. As soon as I stand up, the sharp pains start up again, and they take my breath away. I can't walk normally. I have to slowly waddle to cover any ground. I'm hunched over as I walk. Surely, this has to mean something, but I have yet to feel an actual contraction (as I know them).

I keep thinking about calling my mom. I want to talk to her about how I feel, but I don't want to get people falsely excited that I'm in labor when I'm not. Part of me wants to ask her to take Monday off, just in case I'm not in labor. Both yesterday and today, I had tremendous difficulties making it to the end of the day. I feel like Oliver is neglected from about 3pm to 6pm, when Andrew gets home. Then, Andrew wants to tend to me and make me feel better physically, but all I want him to do is give Oliver the attention he needs that I haven't been able to give him. It's really hard on me emotionally to know that Oliver isn't getting what he needs these days. You know, I've wanted our baby girl to wait until November to arrive, but now I can't help but just think I want her here so these pains stop and my neglect of Oliver can stop.

This is really tough. I keep thinking, "What if this pain continues for weeks? What if she waits another three weeks to arrive?" Based on how I've been dealing this week, I don't think I can make it. The pains get so bad sometimes that I start crying when Oliver takes too long to do something, like push the button on the coffee pot. I'm forced to stand there, and it's more than I can physically bear.

I keep thinking about how cool I thought it would be for our girl to arrive on 11/11/11. I keep thinking how I hadn't wanted our kids to share the same birthday (Oliver's birthday is Sunday). I keep thinking how I thought they'd have separate birthday months. All of that is out the window right now. I just want to feel better. I'm so glad it's the weekend. Having Andrew home to help will allow me to rest a lot more. Even if I don't go into actual labor, I'm hoping the physical rest will help the pain subside.

I don't plan on posting this entry to my blog for some time. I don't want to get friends and family too excited about the possibility of me going into labor soon. So, for now, these are just my thoughts.

At the moment, I'm actually starting to feel a lot better and less panicked from resting by sitting. It's nice to not have to deal with these false labor pains!

Labor Speculations

With about 8 weeks left to go, I'm starting to think more and more about my upcoming labor. Like many pregnant women, a lot of my free time is spent online, reading pregnancy and mother forums. I've realized how much I didn't experience in my pregnancy with Oliver. I hear from mothers regarding their babies dropping or losing their mucous plugs or having bloody show. Oliver arrived at almost exactly 41 weeks (induced), and I had none of that.

I hope I get to go into labor by myself this time around. I'd like to be at home when those first contractions arrive, and I'd like to know that my body is ready and getting geared up for delivery. My midwife says that she lets women go two weeks past their due date before induction. I'm wondering if that's enough time to get my body rolling. My mom told me that my sister was nearly three weeks late. Sigh. Further, the due date I was given based off of my cycle was November 13. Based on ultrasound measurements, they corrected my dude date to November 8. That gives me even less time to go into labor myself.

I also worry about what size our baby girl will be if she goes multiple weeks past her due date. Will I be able to deliver her? Will our health be at risk?

Once I hit week 38 (assuming I hit week 38), I'm going to talk to my midwife about safe remedies that might help get labor going. While pregnant with Oliver, I tried drinking a lot of raspberry tea near the end. It didn't help. I read that some mothers take capsules of primrose oil, as it is supposed to thin the cervix. I think I'll talk to my midwife about that, too.

As for my body, I've been noticing a few changes. I haven't dropped yet, but I'm noticing that things seem to be settling in somewhat. My baby bump appears slightly (but not significantly) lower. I've gotten a few Braxton-Hicks contractions, which I'd never experienced in my last pregnancy. I've also had some menstrual-like cramping, although it hasn't been too painful or frequent. I'm hoping these are signs that my body is slowly prepping for labor and will be ready to go when November arrives.

Now that I'm entering into week 32, I feel happy and confident knowing that we don't have to worry about delivering too prematurely. Although I'm still at risk for my water breaking early, I no longer feel like it's going to drastically effect the outcome of this pregnancy. Every day and week does make a difference at this point, but delivering at 8 months pregnant would be a lot better than delivering at 6 months pregnant! I feel like I can relax and start happily speculating about the future. Andrew and I both think it would be cool to have our baby on 11/11/11, but I can't help but think it will be later. If I was to guess, I'd pick November 20 as our little girl's arrival date.

The Thirty Week Mark is Here!

Baby Girl and I have officially reached week 30! Week 30 is my B goal (reference from past blog). I was happy when I reached week 24 because that's when fetuses are viable. I'm even happier to reach week 30 because that's when babies who are born are able to do pretty well and have low-risk of long term side effects. It's good to know that, from this point forward, if I go into labor, our little one should be OK.

28 Week Ultrasound

I had a great appointment today. My ultrasound was done to check on the growth of the little one and to check on the placenta. Well, she's growing perfectly! As of today, she weighs 2 pounds, 14 ounces. Things looked so good that I was told I don't even have to do the 34 week check-up. I'm very pleased with the news.

I thought Baby Girl had flipped already because I'd started to feel some movement high up in my belly instead of really low, as I had been. Turns out, I was wrong. She's still breech! Her butt is down, but her legs are bent up completely in front of her. During the ultrasound, she kept playing with her feet and toes. She still has a few weeks to flip. If she hasn't flipped by my next midwife appointment in a couple weeks, I think she might do some techniques to get her to move head down. In the meantime, I'm told it's totally normal for this stage of the pregnancy.

Here's a shot of her face, which was hard to get since it was obstructed with her legs and hands:

And here's a shot of her long, stretched-out legs:

Third Trimester

Friday, I entered into the third and final trimester! This pregnancy has flown by. I'm happy that the past few months have been healthy with no bleeding or other unusual problems.

As of today, I also think our little one is out of breach position! For weeks, all the kicking I've felt has been very, very low. Finally, today, the kicking is up high in my ribs. I'm so excited, and I feel like we're another step closer to a healthy delivery.

Symptoms have been fairly mild. Walking two blocks feels like I ran half a mile. I'm not as sleepy and have been able to wake up earlier and stay up later. I have to pee a couple times an hour, and when I'm active, a small amount has started to leak. That never happened in my last pregnancy! I've had heart burn a couple times, both episodes at night. My body aches, especially in my hips and the lowest part of my back. My feet aren't too swollen, but my face is. I still have the acne that developed a few months ago. The acne and facial swelling make me feel pretty gross.

I'm trying to focus on enjoying the pregnancy because I don't plan on being pregnant again. It's challenging most of the time. I'm looking forward to having our little one and having the pregnancy behind me!

TWENTY-FOUR WEEKS!

We've made it to week 24! I'm so happy. I can remember those long days in May when I thought this day would never come (although I forced myself to think positively). Week 24 is the milestone of viability for most fetuses. Of course, it's not good to deliver this early, and babies this premature often suffer long-term health issues. No one wants to deliver this early, but it's such a good feeling to know that I can. Even if I start bleeding or my water breaks, life will go on. BIG sigh of relief.

All my bleeding has been stopped for weeks, but I sometimes get that mysterious pain in that same spot (only about two inches higher) that I'd felt spasms resembling kicking back in weeks 12-14 before my bleed. I'm not sure, but I think they're related to when I work and bend over while holding Oliver.

I wrote that my next goal is to make it to week 30 (September 2) because my midwife told me that week 30 is when preemies start to do fairly well. My aunt, an RN who works in the maternity ward at a hospital in Chicago, told me that they always shoot for 28 weeks. She told me that if my water breaks to ask for a hormone (I can't remember the name) that, if injected into the mother, helps the fetus's lung development. Anyway, week 28 is August 19. I know I'll feel good on August 19, but you can be certain that I'll be thrilled when I make it to September second. Six weeks to go!

Twenty Week Ultrasound

Sometime this week, I turn 20 weeks. Conservatively, I don't hit 20 weeks until Friday, but according to the hospital, I'm 20 weeks and 3 days today. So, I had my 20 week ultrasound! It went very well.

According the ultrasound, our little one is about 19 weeks, 6 days along. She's about 11 ounces. Her brain, heart and spine look great, and I got to see images in 3D.

Also good: my bleed is mostly resolved. The tech told me there is a very small amount of blood left in the uterus. She said I might pass it or reabsorb it, but that there's not much left at all. Hurray!!!!

Here are some images from today:

Quick Pregnancy Update

Sunday was the first day a stranger commented on my pregnancy, so I'm definitely showing enough for non-family and friends to notice!

Also, today is the fifth day of no bleeding. It's stopped! I hope it stays that way :) Now I'm really looking forward to the ultrasound, and I'm really, really hoping they'll say there's no more blood!

Pregnancy Update

My pregnancy symptoms have been close to nil, which makes me both happy and worried. I feel like it's normal to not be very symptomatic during the second trimester, but I also worry that it means something is wrong. Also, I haven't had much of an appetite these last few weeks, and it's hard to make myself eat enough protein. When I do eat, I just want a bowl of cereal or an apple.

The only symptoms I seem to have are a bit of swelling and frequent urination. There are some parts of the day when my wedding rings start to feel tight from my swollen fingers. I'll probably have to remove them soon. As for peeing... it wasn't bad at all during the first trimester, but it's been terrible this whole trimester. There are frequent periods where I have to get up and pee every 20 minutes. Embarrassingly, I've also made sure to always wear a liner because a small amount urine seems to leak out a couple times a day. It's not enough to go through my clothes or anything, but I don't want to stink like pee! I know it's a fairly common side effect of pregnancy, but I don't like it one bit.

The good news is that I've gone two mornings in a row with absolutely no bleeding or spotting. This is the longest I've gone without bleeding in about three weeks.

I'm officially well into my 18th week of pregnancy and have started month five. I don't feel any kicks or movement, which makes me feel confident that the sensations I felt starting in week 12 were not kicks at all. I knew they were too strong, but I couldn't image what else they were. They felt exactly like strong baby kicks. Now, I wonder if they were strong muscle spasms from straining myself too much because I haven't had them at all since I was put on limited activity.

My next check-up is in a week and a half, and I'll get an ultrasound. I can't wait to see the ultrasound and know that everything is going OK. I really hope to see lots of movement, a healthy heartbeat, and no blood in the uterus!

More Pregnancy Updates

I have yet to go a full day without any bleeding, but today and yesterday were fairly heavy again. I feel like it's my fault because I've had to do more since Andrew returned to work on Tuesday. I try not to pick up Oliver at all, but it's impossible. He had a doctor appointment yesterday, so I had to pick him up to get in and out of the car. I had to pick him up to bring him upstairs for his nap because he refused to go up himself. I also have to pick him up to get him into his high chair. My abdominal muscles felt sore on Tuesday from working for the first time in a week, and I knew that wasn't a good sign. It breaks my heart, but there is just no way to not lift him at all.

I saw my midwife today. My blood pressure is still good at 100/60. I got to hear the heart rate (140s). We went over my ultrasound some more. She told me my risk for a pre-term delivery is "slightly higher" than the 6% I'd been told. I just wanted to cry. I didn't ask her what she thought the chances were. At that moment, I felt emotionally defeated. I'll be 17 weeks tomorrow. I feel like I've gotten so far. I just wish I could know it's not all for nothing.

Health/Pregnancy Update

This was the first morning I woke up without any bleeding since Monday. I was happy not to see any blood, but I was also sad because it meant I wasn't passing that clot. I'd like to pass the last of the blood if I can!

It's four in the afternoon, and I just had my first mid-day bleed. It was pretty heavy--not as heavy as Monday, but about on par with Tuesday's bleed. Part of me is nervous; did I re-tear something? Another part of me is hopeful; could I have passed the last of the blood? Unfortunately, I don't have anymore ultrasounds until June 22 (unless something goes wrong before then). So, I guess I'll be hopeful and hope I'm passing the last of this blood. That would mean no more stress on the amniotic sac!

Ultrasound Check (16 Weeks)

Another small bleed this morning. I'd say it was about as heavy (or light, as it were) as yesterday morning and the morning before.

I went in to Pediatrix for my scheduled ultrasound at Swedish today. Based on my cycles, I'm exactly 16 weeks (although according to ultrasounds, the baby is older and will be 17 weeks on Monday).

I heard a lot of good news as well as some bad news. The good news is that the little one is thriving. She's definitely a girl, and she weighs about 5 ounces and is over four inches long from head to butt. They were able to get good views of her back, heart, diaphram and brain. Everything looked great!

They were also able to see some clotting near the cervix. The tech told me to expect a little more bleeding as that works itself out (she said it can also cause cramping). Later, the doctor came in and took a closer look at an area. She said that some blood has pooled between the amniotic sac and the uterine wall. Doing some research on the internet at home, I later determined that she was probably talking about a subchorionic hematoma. She told me that this puts me at increased risk of my water breaking early (thus going into pre-term labor). She said, "Hopefully, that won't happen too early."

After I got home, I started to think more about what she said and really wondered if it was actually likely that this would happen, based on what she said. I mean, why didn't she say, "Hopefully, that won't be a problem," instead of, "Hopefully, that won't happen too early?" Is it almost a certainty that it will break? If I don't absorb or pass the blood, then is it almost a certainty? Am I going to have my water break at any time? At this point, should I just be hoping that I can make it to 24 weeks? With these questions nagging me, I decided to call to get some clarification. A nurse is supposed to call back today, so hopefully that will happen shortly.

On the internet, there's a decent amount of information and even support groups for people with subchorionic hematomas. Apparently, if they occur in the first trimester, they can result in 40-50% chance of miscarriages (depending on the size of the hematoma). If they develop (or are found) late in the first trimester or in the second trimester, there are other concerns. I guess they can keep the placenta from implanting into the uterine wall, and they can irritate the amniotic sac, causing it to rupture. Based on what the doctor said to me, I'm guessing the placement of the hematoma in my body is in a position where it can irritate the amniotic sac (but hopefully not placenta implantation). Many women pass the clot or reabsorb it. One support group that I was reading had women commenting that it seems people who are diagnosed with this in the second trimester don't reabsorb it as often as women do early in the pregnancy.

I have a follow-up appointment scheduled in about four weeks to check to see how the blood is doing. Now that I know I'm not having any new bleeds, I'm actually hoping I can bleed this away. I've set a few goals. Although I know there is little I can do to help, I'm mentally shooting for the 24 week mark. That's July 22 (based on my cycle date, which is a little more conservative than my ultrasound date). Babies can survive as early as 18 weeks, but they usually have a rough life of infections, complications, chronic illness, surgeries, etc. Twenty-four weeks is my goal. September 2 will be when I hit 30 weeks. That is my second goal. My midwife told me, if a woman can't make it to full-term, they at least want women to make it to 30 weeks and for the fetus to reach three pounds. Full-term (38 weeks) would be October 28--two days before Oliver's second birthday. That will be my third goal. For now, though, I'm focusing on July 22. In my mind, I want my body to make it to July 22. That's what it'll take for me to have a good chance at having a baby girl who will have a good chance at being healthy. July 22.

Update: More good news! The nurse called back and said she'd spoken to the doctor. The doctor estimates my risk of "something bad happening" to be about 6%. Six percent! Those odds are about 1/16. I prefer to be an optimist and say there's a 15/16 (94%) chance that things are going to be just fine.

I'd also left a message asking about travel. She said the doctor says it is just fine for me to travel to Chicago next month. However, she said traveling later in pregnancy is probably not a good idea but to discuss it with my midwife. Apparently, women are advised not to travel at all after 36 weeks but especially if they're considered "at risk." This is not good, as I'm supposed to drive to Texas for my brother-in-law's Texas-ranch-destination wedding in mid-October. Of course, I would choose a healthy baby over travel anywhere for any reason, but it would be sad to miss the big event. I guess I'll wait and see.

Feeling Well

I tried to sleep sitting up last night, hoping it would help me avoid any further bleeding. I slept that way until 1am before throwing in the towel. I shoved a pillow behind my back and tried to sleep sideways (but leaning backwards) with another pillow between my knees. I definitely felt more comfortable with less pressure and fewer aches. In the morning, though, I still had a few drops of blood. I'd guess that it was about the same amount as yesterday morning. This might be the normal for this pregnancy. I guess that as long as the baby is thriving, then that'll be OK. Many women spot throughout their pregnancy--I guess a few drops in the morning isn't all that different.

Sigh

I took a nap this morning. When I woke up, I had more bleeding. It's still not as much as yesterday, but I wonder why sleeping causes the bleeding. It's a little upsetting, and it makes me not want to sleep! I might try sleeping upright on the couch tonight to see if that helps.

More Pregnancy Scares

So, Monday morning, I discovered I'd bled quite a bit. I filled the toilet with dark blood and went to an urgent care clinic run by Swedish Hospital. Yesterday (Tuesday), I woke up, and I dripped out as I got out of bed. I didn't bleed as much as the day before, but it was still significant, and I was terrified. Andrew took me straight to Swedish Hospital. The bleeding had stopped before we left the house.

Again, they ran tests. This time, they drew vials of blood, did an exam, and did an ultrasound. The ultrasound wasn't as detailed as the one I'd gotten the morning before, but it did let us know the baby was doing well, moving, and had a heart beat of 140. After three hours, I was sent home. The doctor talked to me and told me everything else looks good (my cervix is still closed, but he could see dried blood), but bleeding is not normal. He told me that resting is a good idea and might be able to help, but he also explained to me that everything is basically out of my hands. He said, "Rebecca, if you're going to miscarry, you're going to miscarry, and there's nothing you can do about that." I think that was something I needed to hear, but it was also something I didn't want to hear. I wanted to be told that if I did a certain thing, then the baby would be OK. He couldn't tell me that.

My mom came home with me again to help with Oliver. Poor Oliver has been quite a trooper through everything. He had a really, really rough time learning that I'm not going to be picking him up and carrying him around any more, but he's also really risen to the occasion. That little boy has learned to do so much by himself in a short amount of time. He climbs upstairs when he wants to play up there or get a diaper change, and he climbs back down. When we leave the house, the crawls down the front steps and even has crawled off the curb to get to the car. He's learned to hold my hand while crossing parking lots and has just been absolutely, completely amazing. I can't do as much house work, so I sit on the floor frequently to play blocks or bowling pins with him. He's definitely getting a lot of love and attention, but it's hard for him sometimes. He still holds his hands up to me sometimes to pick him up. I'll sit down and get on the floor with him, and (for the most part) he's stopped crying at this.

This morning, when I woke up, I had a few drops of blood, but it wasn't even enough to change the color of the toilet water. It was a lot less. I felt good this morning. I wondered if I'd torn something, and when I sleep, maybe my muscles relax enough for the blood to come out. A lot less blood is a good thing, and maybe it means the tear is really healing. If so, I'm hoping there is no blood tomorrow (or almost none).

People have been coming forward with so much support. It actually helps a lot. I've never really been in a situation where I needed people to rally around me, but now that I'm here, I feel so loved and cared for. In addition to my mom's help, Colleen (Andrew's mom) took the day off today and is going to watch Oliver. Andrew and I cancelled our road trip/camping trip with Oliver (which was supposed to take place from yesterday evening through Sunday), but he kept his days off to help Oliver adjust and to help me. I've gotten phone calls from friends and relatives--even Andrew's great-aunt called. People have given me supportive messages on Facebook and told me they were thinking positive thoughts and praying for me. While I'm not a religious person, I know that those things really do help people. For example, the "power of prayer" works for people when they know they're being prayed for. I keep reminding myself of all the people who want this little baby girl to make it through. Andrew keeps telling me to picture the end result, so I keep imagining this little swaddled baby being handed to me at the hospital with a pink cap on.

I also keep thinking of how remarkable and impossible it is that our baby girl is here. I think about how my ancestors had to immigrate from Denmark and Germany and Poland and Ireland, and they had to meet and get married and have kids at a specific time to create the gene pool that created me. Andrew's Welsh and Irish ancestors had to immigrate here. His parents had to move back to Denver, and mine had to move to Denver for us to meet. We both had to drop out of our universities and decide to go to community college to meet! Who would have thought that those actions would lead to something so amazing? Circumstances and timing had to be absolutely perfect for this tiny little girl to exist. I think about how she has made it this far, a statistical impossibility in some ways (if you think about it), and I'm determined to meet her. She's made it this far, and I'm going to do everything I can to make sure she gets another five months in my womb to grow and thrive and have a chance at life.

In five months, I want this baby. It's past the first trimester. Miscarriages at this point in the pregnancy are so rare. The worst is over. Now I just need to take it easy and let her body grow.

Health Scare

This morning, I woke up and found that I was bleeding. I had passed a decent amount of bright red blood. It was only one episode, and the blood stopped. Terrified for my pregnancy, Andrew took me to the urgent care a few miles from our house.

The doctor spoke to me for a while and then ordered an ultrasound. I was glad she'd ordered it because I wanted to see that the baby was moving and had a heart beat. I was also terrified of what it could show.

When the ultrasound tech wheeled me into the ultrasound room, I could feel my stomach do a flip-flop. I felt so afraid of what I was about to see. It turns out, I didn't have to be afraid. The little one was wiggling all around, doing flips and rolls and moving all about! The tech also checked the heart rate, which read 154. That's a healthy rate!

After checking other parts of my body, from the cervix to the ovaries, the tech announced to me that my first ultrasound tech was right. We are having a girl! I was trying not to have ugly cries at that point. Our baby was OK, I was OK, and our baby's a girl!

The doctor later let me know that it looked like there was a very small separation of the placenta from the wall. She said it can heal if I take it easy, and it's important I don't make it worse. She told me I shouldn't bend over too much, and I shouldn't lift heavy things. She said I need to carry Oliver as little as possible and try not to pick up objects heavier than five pounds. She said I shouldn't do a lot of housework and shouldn't do strenuous exercise. She said I don't need to be on complete bed rest, but I do need to rest and try to heal.

My mom came and spent the rest of the day with me, helping Oliver adjust to a life of not being carried all the time. Thankfully, the little man has done quite well for himself. He looked so proud holding my hand and crossing the parking lot to the car to go home! It's going to be a rough few months for him, but I'm going to do everything I can to have a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby girl.