I didn't get to labor at home with Oliver because I was induced. Thus, I don't really know how this whole labor thing really starts out. It's Friday. I'm 38 weeks pregnant (full term), and I'm in pain. All week, I've been having incredible back pain and occasional pressure down low. At the grocery store yesterday, I could feel "pop, pop, pop, pop," with every step I took. I kept thinking, "Maybe this means I'm close."
Today, I was reading something funny online while Oliver napped. Every time I laughed, the low pressure would increase, sometimes to the point of being almost painful. Was this a sign? I don't know.
It's nearly 7pm. At 5pm, I started to feel sharp pains every time I stood. It felt like I was getting a pap smear over and over again. I'd read that one of the ways to tell the difference between labor and false labor is to change positions. If changing positions makes you feel better, you're not in real labor. Well, every time I sit, I feel fine. Sometimes, I feel cramping, like menstrual cramps, but that's it. As soon as I stand up, the sharp pains start up again, and they take my breath away. I can't walk normally. I have to slowly waddle to cover any ground. I'm hunched over as I walk. Surely, this has to mean something, but I have yet to feel an actual contraction (as I know them).
I keep thinking about calling my mom. I want to talk to her about how I feel, but I don't want to get people falsely excited that I'm in labor when I'm not. Part of me wants to ask her to take Monday off, just in case I'm not in labor. Both yesterday and today, I had tremendous difficulties making it to the end of the day. I feel like Oliver is neglected from about 3pm to 6pm, when Andrew gets home. Then, Andrew wants to tend to me and make me feel better physically, but all I want him to do is give Oliver the attention he needs that I haven't been able to give him. It's really hard on me emotionally to know that Oliver isn't getting what he needs these days. You know, I've wanted our baby girl to wait until November to arrive, but now I can't help but just think I want her here so these pains stop and my neglect of Oliver can stop.
This is really tough. I keep thinking, "What if this pain continues for weeks? What if she waits another three weeks to arrive?" Based on how I've been dealing this week, I don't think I can make it. The pains get so bad sometimes that I start crying when Oliver takes too long to do something, like push the button on the coffee pot. I'm forced to stand there, and it's more than I can physically bear.
I keep thinking about how cool I thought it would be for our girl to arrive on 11/11/11. I keep thinking how I hadn't wanted our kids to share the same birthday (Oliver's birthday is Sunday). I keep thinking how I thought they'd have separate birthday months. All of that is out the window right now. I just want to feel better. I'm so glad it's the weekend. Having Andrew home to help will allow me to rest a lot more. Even if I don't go into actual labor, I'm hoping the physical rest will help the pain subside.
I don't plan on posting this entry to my blog for some time. I don't want to get friends and family too excited about the possibility of me going into labor soon. So, for now, these are just my thoughts.
At the moment, I'm actually starting to feel a lot better and less panicked from resting by sitting. It's nice to not have to deal with these false labor pains!