Monday, July 19, 2010

Mommy's a Flake

I used to take pride in myself for being a very reliable person. If I said something, I'd do it! Integrity is important to me. However, I have to admit to myself, I haven't been as trustworthy in recent months. This weekend, I set a new record. I cancelled plans with four groups of people in two days.

As a new mom, I find I have no energy for activities. In my heart, I'm doing it all. I'm spending quality time with my husband, engaged and listening to his stories; I'm going out with my friends for coffee and to the gym; I'm calling my loved ones and keeping those connections thriving. In reality, though, I spend all day playing entertainer to my little one (which I love), and when Andrew gets home, I just want a few quiet moments to myself. He'll tell me about his day, and I nod along, trying to listen, but really thinking about all the things I have left to do around the house. If I've made plans with friends, I think, "There's no way I can make dinner, eat, have family time, give Oliver to Andrew to put to bed, and then drive across town to see my friends." I'd say I cancel plans I've made four out of five times I make them.

My loved ones have been so forgiving of me. I feel badly for being unreliable and rarely seeing them, but I'm so grateful they understand. I'm trying to make more plans during the day, when I have more energy, and I'm making a point to ask Andrew for time to myself as soon as he gets home from work, that way I can give him the focus he deserves when I'm more mentally capable of doing so.

Being a mom is the best, but now I'm starting to realize why so many moms have difficulties maintaining their friendships!

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